Okay really it's only 1:00-4:00; but nonetheless, today is the first day I will be leaving Charlotte to go back to work. Not bedside nursing, and not 12 hour shifts and yet my heart is still in turmoil. I know the 4 hours I am away will be wonderful. She will have a blast with her grandpa and will be loved and cuddled and protected while I am gone, but I can't help but shed a tear or two this morning as the hours together dwindle. I am teaching a class at Shasta College for the next 2 weeks. It will go quickly and be a huge help financially to our family. I'll update tomorrow how the first day goes. First day is always the hardest.
Charlotte is doing wonderfully. I think she is starting to take after daddy a little bit in her sleeping preference. It is 8:10 right now and she is still out like a light. Which would be wonderful if it weren't for the fact that my body has a feast fit for a king waiting to feed to her, making it rather unpleasant for me to wait.
She has rolled from her back to her tummy a total of 3 times. She seems to get 99% of the way over, then flop back to her back. I was talking to a man in the grocery store yesterday who told me his 6 month old is crawling all around the house. I just smiled and kissed my little boo boo who is perfectly content stationary. I am savoring every second of her immobility. How convenient to be able to set her in one place and know in 5 minutes she will be in that exact same place. I know it won't last forever, but I have a few more months to enjoy!
Hooray! She's awake!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Letting Go
Since Charlotte has come into my life, I have been reluctant to be away from her, even for an hour. I have been so blessed by the opportunity to stay home and have not yet had to leave her for any specific occasion. Jeremy and I have been out on 2 dates and I have run to the grocery store once or twice but other than that, we have been inseparable. As the months pass, I am beginning to loosen up a bit and allow her out of my sight more and more. I am even starting to overcome the constant stomach ache that befalls me the second I walk out the door. This is a wonderful, yet difficult growing process for me. I am learning and accepting that other people are not only capable, but exceptional at lovingly caring for my sweet girl. Shocking, I was pretty convinced I was the only one qualified to care for an infant. But, I am loosening my grip on her; on the control I feel I must have over every second of her day. I enjoy seeing her spend time with her daddy and her grandparents. It fills my heart to know that she is forming relationships with her family. I love to see her loved by the people I love. (That's a lot of love!)
On Saturday, Jeremy took her for her first bike ride around the River Trail. I seized my alone time by meeting my dear friend Christa at the Farmer's Market. It was so wonderful to stroll through the vegetables with two free arms. We even went and did some shopping at the mall and enjoyed food court lunch! Charlotte had a wonderful time with her daddy and I had the most peaceful 2 hours to myself. The jury is still out on bike ride.
Tonight, my dad came over and watched Charlotte while I went shopping and out to dinner with Ginger. I got to eat my entire dinner without having to pick a single thing off the floor! It was glorious. And Charlotte and Grandpa had a wonderful time walking through our neighborhood and playing with her toys.
I love my baby girl more than I could fathom. A few hours apart here and there is good for me, and for her. I know as more kids come along I will have no choice but to be less of a control freak. I am taking the time while I have it to ease my way into a more relaxed, less controlling state of mommy-hood.
How do I segue from that to poop? That worked I guess.
Gone are the days of every other week pooping. Charlotte now poops 2-3 a day! I know this is really inappropriate to be discussing on my blog, but remember, this is really my personal journal of raising a baby, and what mother doesn't keep track of pooping patterns? She has discovered the most effective way to get out of nap early is to fill her diaper! Seriously...EVERY NAP! I am tempted to stop feeding her solids just to get my non-pooping baby back.
I boasted about her incredible rolling abilities a few days ago. Turns out it was a fluke. She has yet to repeat her acrobatic maneuver. I haven't told her that most of her 5 month old friends are rolling circles around her. No need to crush her spirit just yet.
On Saturday, Jeremy took her for her first bike ride around the River Trail. I seized my alone time by meeting my dear friend Christa at the Farmer's Market. It was so wonderful to stroll through the vegetables with two free arms. We even went and did some shopping at the mall and enjoyed food court lunch! Charlotte had a wonderful time with her daddy and I had the most peaceful 2 hours to myself. The jury is still out on bike ride.
Tonight, my dad came over and watched Charlotte while I went shopping and out to dinner with Ginger. I got to eat my entire dinner without having to pick a single thing off the floor! It was glorious. And Charlotte and Grandpa had a wonderful time walking through our neighborhood and playing with her toys.
I love my baby girl more than I could fathom. A few hours apart here and there is good for me, and for her. I know as more kids come along I will have no choice but to be less of a control freak. I am taking the time while I have it to ease my way into a more relaxed, less controlling state of mommy-hood.
How do I segue from that to poop? That worked I guess.
Gone are the days of every other week pooping. Charlotte now poops 2-3 a day! I know this is really inappropriate to be discussing on my blog, but remember, this is really my personal journal of raising a baby, and what mother doesn't keep track of pooping patterns? She has discovered the most effective way to get out of nap early is to fill her diaper! Seriously...EVERY NAP! I am tempted to stop feeding her solids just to get my non-pooping baby back.
I boasted about her incredible rolling abilities a few days ago. Turns out it was a fluke. She has yet to repeat her acrobatic maneuver. I haven't told her that most of her 5 month old friends are rolling circles around her. No need to crush her spirit just yet.
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| Testing out the new ride |
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| Not so sure about this... |
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| And they're off! |
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| Mmmm...Bananas |
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Mysteries of Motherhood
Charlotte is such a mystery to me. I think this is the hardest part of mothering to me thus far: not know what the heck is going on with her. Right now, our biggest struggle is bedtime away from home. Thursday night house church has been hit or miss for the past few months. Some nights she did pretty well, but recently things have not been going to smoothly. It seems like I have tried it all, and what works one week, doesn't work the next. Then, on Saturday night we had dinner at my grandma's and Charlotte went to bed without a peep and proceeded to sleep through a very loud dinner party. Come Thursday, I do everything exactly the same way and she cries the whole time. What gives? All I want to do is know the problem and fix it, but that's just not possible. It's hard when your baby doesn't cooperate. Maybe there isn't anything to "fix," maybe it's just a matter of sticking with it and letting her grow out of it. It feels like you are a bad mother and you have a "bad" baby. I just want to tell everyone, "No really, she isn't like this. She is really a good baby!" And of course, she is a good baby. The best any mom could ever ask for. And for whatever reason, she has a hard time sleeping away from her own crib. Except on Saturdays. Maybe we could move Thursday nights to Saturdays and everything would be better! Well, back to the drawing board. What new thing will I try next week? Maybe the pac 'n play in the closet is too scary, next week I'll try a different room. That will probably work. Once. And then the following week she'll lose it again. Such is the cycle. One day she will beg me to go spend the night with her best friend Evelyn and I will remind her how much she hates sleeping at the Shepard's.
Growing
Charlotte is growing developing so quickly lately. She may be on the petite side, but that's not stopping her! It has been so fun the past few weeks watching her learn so many new things. As of today, she can roll from her tummy to her back and her back to her tummy. (Though she has only done that once). Phew! Glad to know she won't be needing to master that skill in kindergarten. She will sit on her blanket and really play with her toys. Today, she was dropping her rattle into a bucket, taking it out, then dropping it in again. Each time it would loudly drop to the bottom, she would laugh. She is becoming selective in her toy preferences. If presented with the same 3 toys, she will always choose her favorite. When sitting on her blanket, she will "bail out" of her sit in order to get to a toy that is out of reach. Today at lunch Jeremy said, "she is becoming such a person." Yes, we did birth a person after all. But I get what he means. She is really maturing and showing her personality.
She wakes up chatting and doesn't stop all day. This morning it was, "yayayaya hhhhhhiiiiiiiii dadadada" and then, "wwwwwoooowwwww." She loves the sound of her voice, and so do I! I even had to step out of the room to talk on the phone because I couldn't hear over her jibber-jabber.
She now helps you get her out of the carseat. After you loosen the straps, she puts her arms straight out and arches her back. It is actually quite helpful.
From the beginning I sensed she had a gentle, content spirit; so far that seems to be holding true. I can't believe in a few short months she will be walking and talking. I never thought I would look forward to that, but I now realize how fun it will be to hear what she has to say.
She wakes up chatting and doesn't stop all day. This morning it was, "yayayaya hhhhhhiiiiiiiii dadadada" and then, "wwwwwoooowwwww." She loves the sound of her voice, and so do I! I even had to step out of the room to talk on the phone because I couldn't hear over her jibber-jabber.
She now helps you get her out of the carseat. After you loosen the straps, she puts her arms straight out and arches her back. It is actually quite helpful.
From the beginning I sensed she had a gentle, content spirit; so far that seems to be holding true. I can't believe in a few short months she will be walking and talking. I never thought I would look forward to that, but I now realize how fun it will be to hear what she has to say.
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| Every 6 month old needs a bathrobe, right? |
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| I made her a Taggie. I hope she loves it :) |
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Still Toothless
Last post I discussed our visit from the tooth monster. Well, he really is a monster because he spent a week tormenting my sweet girl and then denied her the satisfaction of actually sprouting teeth. So, we are still toothless around here. But the good news is my sweet, happy baby girl is back to her normal self. So was it teething? Was she sick? Was she just cranky for a week? Who knows. One of the many mysteries of motherhood; sometimes you just can't know what's going on in their little bodies.
It is such a relief to have my sweet girl back. She is laughing at everything recently. Yesterday she was sitting on the floor playing and I was playing peek-a-boo from behind the couch. She was laughing so hard that she tipped over! Her laugh is so contagious and so sweet.
We are still figuring out our solid food plan of attack. I'm sticking with mostly whole food and allowing her to feed herself, but also offering a little help if she wants. So far her favorites are bananas and sweet potatoes. Sometimes I offer twice a day, others just once, and sometimes, if we are busy, she doesn't get any at all. I am slowly working my way up to at least once a day, with the goal being twice a day by the time she is about 8 months. I know she is getting all she needs from breastfeeding, so eating is more of a learning/fun experience right now.
At the end of the year I will be writing a letter to myself about all the things I have learned about being a first-time mommy. That way, I will be able to remind myself of these lessons when we do this again. I work on the letter in the shower almost everyday. It's really more of a novel than a letter. I usually promptly forget by the time a finish drying off. I better start taking notes :) I have learned so many valuable lessons and continue to learn and grow daily.
The weather has been dreary which can make the days a little long, but there is sunshine in the forecast and I couldn't be happier about it. I am so looking forward to the summer.
I'm sorry to say I didn't take any new pictures this week. Rest assured, next week's posts will be fully saturated with them.
It is such a relief to have my sweet girl back. She is laughing at everything recently. Yesterday she was sitting on the floor playing and I was playing peek-a-boo from behind the couch. She was laughing so hard that she tipped over! Her laugh is so contagious and so sweet.
We are still figuring out our solid food plan of attack. I'm sticking with mostly whole food and allowing her to feed herself, but also offering a little help if she wants. So far her favorites are bananas and sweet potatoes. Sometimes I offer twice a day, others just once, and sometimes, if we are busy, she doesn't get any at all. I am slowly working my way up to at least once a day, with the goal being twice a day by the time she is about 8 months. I know she is getting all she needs from breastfeeding, so eating is more of a learning/fun experience right now.
At the end of the year I will be writing a letter to myself about all the things I have learned about being a first-time mommy. That way, I will be able to remind myself of these lessons when we do this again. I work on the letter in the shower almost everyday. It's really more of a novel than a letter. I usually promptly forget by the time a finish drying off. I better start taking notes :) I have learned so many valuable lessons and continue to learn and grow daily.
The weather has been dreary which can make the days a little long, but there is sunshine in the forecast and I couldn't be happier about it. I am so looking forward to the summer.
I'm sorry to say I didn't take any new pictures this week. Rest assured, next week's posts will be fully saturated with them.
Monday, May 9, 2011
The Tooth Monster
It's going to be a long time before the Tooth Fairy visits this household; however, it seems we have been visited by another fictional character related to those precious pearly whites: the tooth monster. My sweet, happy, content little baby girl has been miserable for the past 4 days. (And mommy is none too happy about it). I have heard a lot of moms say there babies teethed "well." I'm assuming that means it wasn't too grueling of an experience for either party. Apparently, Charlotte is not so lucky. Nor am I. She has been running a fever off an on, probably fighting a bit of an ear infection, and generally discontent. Pair that with the ever-dripping fire hose someone installed in her mouth and her bulgy, swollen gums, and you have one sad little girl. The night before Mother's Day we spent 10 hours (off and on) rocking and snuggling and crying and nursing and maybe a little sleeping. Her Mother's Day gift to me was a lesson in the definition of motherhood. At 2 in the morning, I sat in her chair singing and kissing her thinking to myself, "This is truly what it means to be a mom." Although I might have preferred to get a little sleep, I was grateful to be able to spend that time with her, and alleviate her discomfort. I was so thankful that I could comfort her and help her to feel better. There will be a day, coming all too soon, where snuggling in a rocking chair with mom won't make her world all better. Until then, I will cherish those special moments together.
Mother's Day was a little tainted, but we still had a wonderful day. Jer played music at church so was gone at 5:30 AM. He did take time to leave me a little surprise on the counter from Charlotte and Abbey. It made my day.
Charlotte hasn't learned too many new tricks in the past week. She is loving eating, and so far doesn't show too much pickiness. So far her diet has included: apple, pear, mango, banana, cantaloupe, avocado, broccoli, sweet potato, chicken, turkey, rice cake. Today I bought her some yogurt and blueberries. It has been fun watching her learn how to eat and she seems to really enjoy participating in meal time with us. She is still nursing every 2.5-3 hours.
She spends most of her day saying "dadadada." It is so cute. You can even ask her to say it and she will. At church on Sunday, the pastor had all the mothers stand to be recognized. As the mothers were standing and the church was quiet, Charlotte was sitting on Jer's lap loudly saying "dadadada." Oh well, I know she loves me!
Last weekend we took Charlotte on her first "hike." I put that in quotes, because "hike" is a bit of a stretch. It was more of a stroll. But very fun nonetheless. We went with our good friends Courtney and Eric and their adorable son Tyler to Mossbrae Falls in Dunsmuir. The babies did great! Slept the whole way up there, happily enjoyed the hike and the falls, then slept the whole way home. The weather was perfect and the waterfall was breathtaking! It was so fun to get out and enjoy God's beautiful creation. The first of a lifetime! We are really looking forward to instilling a love of the outdoors in Charlotte. She will love it, whether she likes it or not!
Mother's Day was a little tainted, but we still had a wonderful day. Jer played music at church so was gone at 5:30 AM. He did take time to leave me a little surprise on the counter from Charlotte and Abbey. It made my day.
Charlotte hasn't learned too many new tricks in the past week. She is loving eating, and so far doesn't show too much pickiness. So far her diet has included: apple, pear, mango, banana, cantaloupe, avocado, broccoli, sweet potato, chicken, turkey, rice cake. Today I bought her some yogurt and blueberries. It has been fun watching her learn how to eat and she seems to really enjoy participating in meal time with us. She is still nursing every 2.5-3 hours.
She spends most of her day saying "dadadada." It is so cute. You can even ask her to say it and she will. At church on Sunday, the pastor had all the mothers stand to be recognized. As the mothers were standing and the church was quiet, Charlotte was sitting on Jer's lap loudly saying "dadadada." Oh well, I know she loves me!
Last weekend we took Charlotte on her first "hike." I put that in quotes, because "hike" is a bit of a stretch. It was more of a stroll. But very fun nonetheless. We went with our good friends Courtney and Eric and their adorable son Tyler to Mossbrae Falls in Dunsmuir. The babies did great! Slept the whole way up there, happily enjoyed the hike and the falls, then slept the whole way home. The weather was perfect and the waterfall was breathtaking! It was so fun to get out and enjoy God's beautiful creation. The first of a lifetime! We are really looking forward to instilling a love of the outdoors in Charlotte. She will love it, whether she likes it or not!
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| Excited for her first hike! |
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| Our Crew |
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| Exhausted from a fun day |
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| Sleeping |
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| Really, mom? |
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