My entire life I have wanted to be a NICU nurse. I worked hard in high school to earn good grades and get into a great nursing program. I worked hard in nursing school to get a great residency at UCLA's NICU. I worked hard at my new job to learn and advance my nursing skills. "Nurse" has always been my identity. Excelling at my job was how I measured my worth and value as a person. When Charlotte was born, my world turned upside down. This teenie tiny person made me question everything I believed to be true about myself. From the first moment they placed her in my arms I knew my identity had changed. Nothing in this world could be more important than this precious little life. In the same way I felt called to be a nurse, I felt immensely more called to be a mom. As I searched my soul, sought wise counsel, read God's Word and spent many hours in prayer, it became very clear that the most important job I will ever have is this raising my children.
But would I still be an intelligent, valuable person if I was "just" a stay at home mom? What will everyone think of me when I tell them what I do? Will people think I'm lazy? Stupid? Am I wasting my education?
The answer to all these questions is so clear and yet my soul struggled to accept the importance and value of raising my children. I was seeking the approval of this world and not following the clear calling of God. Thankfully, I have the most incredible husband, family and church community that helped me to see the truth.
There will not be a minute that passes by that I regret being with my children. I will never look back and think, "I wish we had more money, I wish we could have bought a boat, I wish I had nicer jeans."
I could not feel more blessed to have this opportunity. I know I am beyond lucky to have it. Not every mother is able to have this chance; but since I do, I would be crazy to pass it up.
As a side note, I still do love being a NICU nurse and I loved my job at Mercy very much. I tried to pursue a supplemental (extremely part time) position at the hospital to no avail. When something becomes available, I would like to work a few days a month.
This is a season in life. There will always be babies at work to care for, but my babies are only here for a short time. God has called me to love them and show them His love and I take that very seriously. I am so excited about my new "job." I will be proud in the work I do, I will do it well, and I will be forever thankful that I have the most important job in the world!
5 comments:
I applaud you! I went through the same identity struggle... would staying home make me feel less of a person? Like a contributing member of society? What would I say when people asked what I do for a living? For awhile I felt like I needed to wear a tag on my shirt that said "College gradutate" or something.
But.. nothing is more important than raising our babies. I can't imagine handing that responsibility over to a friend or day care or ANYONE. I hope you enjoy being home with Charlotte- I sure wouldn't trade my time with Isabelle for anything!
Micci, thanks so much! The shirt tag is a great idea! HAHA, that is so true and exactly how I'm feeling. And yet it is so silly. Good to know I'm not the only one who goes through this :)
Good for you Kelly! Making that kind of decision is tough, especially when you are in the place in your life where you are accomplished and feel content. But making the decision to stay home is a great one! Kudos.
You are a super "intelligent, valuable person" BECAUSE you stay at home! Bravo!! Love you!
PS- This just means we get to party more often too!! :)
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