The Pagan Post

Feeling Sad

2012-01-24T21:05:00.000-08:00

I just stumbled across the most tragic blog. A family of 4 was in a head on collision. Everyone suffered terrible injuries, and their 18 month didn't survive.

As I scrolled through the archives, with tears in my eyes, I came across a specific blog that showed the youngest boy, at 11 months, in a forward facing toddler seat. Specifically pointing out that he was flipped forward too soon.

I spend a lot of time reading about car seat safety, about the fact that infants and toddlers are 500% safer in rear facing seats, but those are all just numbers and statistics until you see the face of tragedy.

I am not one for soap boxes, but this story just crushes me. Would this precious baby have survived if he were in the proper seat?

Why I am afraid to speak up and tell people. I am so fearful of offending someone, but what if I had known that family? What if I knew they turned him early, and I didn't say anything? This is not a judgmental observation in the slightest. It is my genuine sorrow and sadness for this family. No one deserves to suffer so greatly.

Babies and toddler's spines are weak, not fused and strong like adults. That is why they are at such a higher risk for spinal separation during a car accident.

Please, put your baby's safety ahead of their comfort. I don't want to come across another blog like this.

That Was Fun! Let's Do It Again!

2012-01-23T12:12:00.000-08:00

Hooray! The cat is out of proverbial bag! I can finally update my blog to include our newest family member. That's right, in case you missed it, the Pagan clan is growing! Baby #2 (lovingly called Booboo2 at the moment) is set to make his/her appearance in about 6 months!

So here's the pregnancy catch-up.

When Charlotte turned 1, Jeremy and I decided to let nature take its course and see if/when Booboo2 would enter our family. After a year of trying for Charlotte and 2 rounds of Clomid, we both agreed it would most likely take a few months. Wrong. After one month, I was shocked and elated to see two beautiful blue lines on that stick.

It was the day before Thanksgiving that I got my first positive test. Being the patient person I am, I tested 5 days before I was supposed to. So, imagine my shock when I saw that faint second line. Of course, we were both skeptical, considering you had to do some eye gymnastics just to see it. But, in my heart, I knew it was there. Over the next week I continued to burn through my $0.60 tests and anxiously watched as that beautiful second line got darker and darker each day. After over a week of positive tests, Jeremy was finally convinced I was indeed pregnant.

Now, knowing the shocking statistics about early miscarriage, Jeremy and I tend to keep pregnancy news to ourselves until the second trimester. So I had a looooonnnnngggg wait ahead of me. But, I stayed very distracted with Charlotte and the holidays, and before I knew it, we were heading in for our 12 week ultrasound.

Anxious and excited, I sat in the Dr.'s office waiting for that reassurance. And that is exactly what I received. Up on the screen pops a beautiful, perfectly healthy, little baby bean. Dr. gave me a clear bill of health (after last traumatic birth) said everything looks wonderful, and sent us on our merry way.

And merry I was!

I am incredibly blessed to experience next to no pregnancy symptoms. No sickness, nausea, food aversion, etc. Which, again is a complete blessing, but can lead one to question one's state of pregnancy. "How can there be a person growing inside me and I feel absolutely nothing?" So until I see that little bean on the screen, it really doesn't feel believable.

Back at Christmas, when I knew I was pregnant, but not ready to announce it, I decided to hold off on our Christmas cards until the news could become public. So instead, we sent a Valentine's card sharing our excitement. Our spectacular cousin took some adorable pictures of Charlotte for us to use. The cards turned out perfectly and I was so thrilled to send them to all our friends and family.

So, there you have it, first trimester in a nutshell. Onto bigger (no pun intended) and better things!

The First Yuck

2012-01-12T09:00:00.000-08:00

We have been extremely blessed to have a very healthy baby. Charlotte has made it nearly 15 months with not much more than the occasional snotty nose. Until now.

3 Sundays ago (The Sunday before Christmas, almost 4 weeks now), Charlotte woke up snotty. I didn't think much about it, other than whether or not her health status was worthy of the nursery. Figuring it was just the common cold, I let it ride its course. But the course just kept going, and going, and going. And then, almost 4 weeks later, she started spiking fevers, still coughing and congested. I waved my white flag and called the doc. The most wonderful family doctor you could ever hope for. He agreed this illness had conquered the common cold and would need additional artillery.

So, for the first time, we went into the doctor for a sick-baby visit. The news was bleak: 103 temp, lost weight, double ear infection, and a sinus infection. My heart broke. She was none too fond of the appointment. Big crocodile tears and all. I'm relieved I didn't join her in the crying!

And then, for the first time, I stood in line at the pharmacy, sick baby on my hip, waiting to fill her antibiotic prescription.

I know this will be the first of many trips to the doc, but every "first" is memorable. And this is no exception.

She has been handling everything like a trooper. Not much complaining, still sleeping pretty well.

I wish I could wave a wand and make her all better, but I am thankful for modern medicine and the fact that we haven't had to employ it until now.

Praying to have my happy, healthy baby back in the next few days.

Christmas Joy

2011-12-28T09:10:00.000-08:00

I have been remiss with this blog lately. A combination of holiday busyness, and lack of motivation I suppose. But, here is the catch-up:

December was a spectacular month. We decorated for Christmas, hosted a big Christmas party, attended several Christmas parties, enjoyed a week with our brother, sister and nephew, celebrated Christmas 4 times, cleaned up the Christmas decorations, took a trip to Sacramento, and played at the park almost daily.

According to her Uncle Jon, Charlotte (summed up in 3 descriptions) is currently:

Extremely talkative

Big personality

Loves boxes

Though Charlotte is far from understanding Christmas, she absolutely loves the event. She is a present opening pro! A loves to exclaim, "wow" when she discovers what's inside. She was showered with generosity and love. It completely melted my heart to see our families loving on my baby girl, we are so blessed. She got books, and music, and dollies, and play kitchen! Now, I just need to bring myself to pack away the baby toys and accept the fact that she doesn't look like this anymore:

The biggest change in Charlotte this month is her comprehension level. I can say to her: "Charlotte, go get your shoes and come sit on your bottom so we can put them on" and she will do exactly that. "Charlotte, let's go wash your hands." She runs to the sink rubbing her hands together.

Her sign language vocabulary has exploded. More, please, thank you, help, eat, are all used in proper context to convey her needs or desires. Yesterday, we were in R&R Meats and there was a display of fresh baked cookies on the counter. She frantically started signing, "Eat, more, please, please, please! Eat, more, please, please, please!"

Another thing I am starting to notice more and more is her determination. Though she is an easy-going baby, she absolutely knows what she wants, when she wants it. She will stick with something until she achieves her goal. When she wants to play with a certain toy, no other toy will do. When she wants toast to eat, no other food will do. She is learning she has an opinion, and she is letting us know about it.

The love affair with baskets and boxes continues. Any open container is fair game, and she is climbing inside the first chance she gets.

I was torn about a trip to visit Santa this year, for several reasons, but ultimately decided the picture would be a great keepsake 20 years from now. So off to the mall we went. She was immediately stand-offish. But I sat her in his lap and he might as well have been Hannibal Lector. So, I held her, bribed her with crackers, and this is the best we got. Keepsake, right?

And much to our dismay, she seems to be quite girly. Purses, necklaces, bracelets, cell phones, are all extremely popular around here.

The joy of Christmas increases exponentially when experienced through a child's heart. This was by far the most joyous Christmas I have experienced.

Hugs for Charlie

Loves to be in a box

After a Christmas Nap

What every dad does at 11:00 Christmas Night

Status Quo

2011-12-06T08:29:00.001-08:00

Things have been pretty mellow around here following the adventure that is Thanksgiving. With all the fall decorations packed away, Christmas trimmings have graced this home. This year we decided on a fun new decorating theme: 3 ft and higher. As in, nothing within Charlotte's reach. The tree looks beautiful, from the waist up :)

Charlotte is keeping me on my toes lately. She runs through the house ~~emptying~~ exploring one drawer after another. I don't mind spending 10 hours a day picking up one mess after another. It brings me such joy to see her little mind learning and growing.

She loves the outdoors, which makes this dry December very convenient. Who would have thought we'd be outside in short sleeve shirts 2 weeks before Christmas?

She is in the process of dropping her morning nap. Not tired enough to fall asleep, but too tired not to fall apart. But, this state does make her generous with kisses and hugs, so I'm definitely not complaining.

Yesterday, I was getting ready and Charlotte was being ominously quiet. I came out to find her and discovered this:

She brought the basket out from her room, put the hat on her head, found a rogue paci under her bookshelf, and decided to have a little basket R&R.

Beautiful handmade sweater from Grandma Ging

Thanks

2011-11-25T09:15:00.001-08:00

Over the past year, my understanding of gratitude has deepened beyond my what I knew to be possible.

Never before did I find myself, with any kind of frequency, stopping throughout the day, and giving thanks to God. Now it is the constant stream of conversation.

Thankful for my incredible husband. Who works tirelessly all day, only to come home and continue working. Who makes his family his priority, even when his personal time gets lost in the shuffle. Who loves, supports, comforts, entertains, and provides for me.

Thankful for my beautiful daughter. Who has shown me a glimpse of the depth of God's love for us. Who makes me laugh daily. Who challenges my inner strength, patience, love, and dependence on God.

Thankful for my family and friends. Who are "the village" I need to help raise my daughter. I am so glad we live and breathe community.

Give Thanks. Absolutely.

Good Song, Daddy

2011-11-18T09:51:00.001-08:00

Charlotte has the gift of encouragement. Or, at the very least, enthusiasm. There isn't a single song played in our house that is unworthy of clapping from our sweet girl. Even a 3 second jingle on a toy earns a few cheers.

A few nights ago Jeremy was putting Charlotte to bed. He had bathed her, jammied her, read to her, and was moving onto the final step, a goodnight song. As he stood in her dark room, she snuggled her head into his chest and he sang her off to dream land. Until the song finished. She immediately popped her head up and offered him an enthusiastic round of applause.

"Nice song, Daddy."

Gardening and Friends

2011-11-09T08:15:00.000-08:00

Our new backyard has payed for itself ten times over already. Ever since its (almost) completion, we have spent every possible moment playing outside. Charlotte loves to push her toys up and down the patio, and Abbey loves to be destructive. We have had friends over to enjoy the yard and Charlotte happily shared her toys with her best friend, Charlie. We went to the nursery and picked out our winter vegetables for our raised garden. Charlotte was instrumental in the selection process. Here's hoping we have something edible in the near future.

Beautiful Birthday Dress from Grandma Ging

A Walking Bee

2011-11-05T10:13:00.000-07:00

I think she was waiting to turn one before she started walking. Maybe she knew it would break my heart if she did it too soon. Is people pleasing genetic?

Charlotte is officially a toddling little girl. She is choosing two, instead of four appendages now. Though, when in a hurry, she settles for the safer, faster method of crawling.

She had her one year check up! 40th% in both height and weight. Everything looks great.

For Halloween she was the cutest little bumble I ever saw. She hated the entire event. Our church's Fall Festival was Saturday night, and dinner/bedtime, with a million people and way too much candy pulsing through everyone's system. I've never really seen Charlotte so overwhelmed and unhappy, but this was definitely not her cup of tea. She did manage to find a Reece's cup on the floor and eat half of it (including the foil) before I ruined all her fun. (Don't worry, I let her finish the candy, just took away the wrapper, I'm not completely heartless).

12 Month Check-Up (20 lbs, 4.5 oz, 28.5 inches)

There's got to be something better than a Graham Cracker around here

Bzzz...

Best Friends and their Bugs

"Ok, you distract them and I'll escape out the back door"

A Bee and her Monkey

A Tweet Birdie Celebration

2011-10-28T08:50:00.000-07:00

We did it. We fed, bathed, loved, snuggled, laughed, cried, played, changed, cared for Charlotte for an entire year. One year. Because this event was guaranteed to break my heart, I decided to redirect my focus on planning a fun celebration. I know, "Charlotte won't know it's for her." You're right: it was for me.

I had so much fun scouring the internet for clever ideas, making decorations, baking food, it helped me to concentrate on what a blessing she is and what a true celebration her birthday is; rather than wallowing in self-pity.

The party was so a blast. It was the most perfect day outside and the yard passed its first real test with flying colors.

Charlotte seemed to have a wonderful time. She was showered with generous gifts and thanked everyone with big smiles and excitement.

Part Favors

Birdie Cake

12 Month Banner

Bird's Nests

Food Table (All Birdie Themed)

A New Favorite Toy

Excited about a new Dollie

Mmm... Baby Apple Cake

Birthday girl and her Daddy

Drinks

One

2011-10-28T08:47:00.000-07:00

Dear Charlotte Grace,

Today we celebrate your first birthday. I knew it was inevitable, this day, but somehow I had hoped maybe it would take a little longer to arrive. You are the personification of joy. You have taught us more about love, patience, family and God than we ever could have imagined. We thank God daily for entrusting your sweet little life to us and can't imagine a bigger blessing.

Over the year you have grown, developed and changed so much. The first moments I saw you were a blur. I remember thinking how much you looked like your daddy. How surprised I was to see your bald little head. Lying in that hospital bed on the night of your birth, hoping that I would fall in love with you soon. Holding you, smelling you, nursing you. I had no idea the love I was in for.

At one point I remember thinking to myself, "You are going to be a newborn forever." And now, in a blink of an eye, we are celebrating your birthday.

Over the months, we watched you wake up. You started smiling and cooing and interacting. We were hooked. You didn't make us work very hard for those first smiles, and you haven't stopped smiling since.

We rejoiced and cheered at each milestone you reached. You learned to sit, and roll, and scoot, and crawl, and stand, and climb. Soon you will running.

You have gained 14 pounds and grown 10 inches. Your hair has not grown more than 1/4 inch. You have 6 teeth. You say words like, "Daddy" "Ball" "Dog" "Dollie" "Mama" "All Done" "More" "Buh-Bye" "Hi" "Charlie."

You play games like Peek-a-Boo and Pat-a-Cake. You read books. You hug and kiss you dollies (and your mommy). You climb on EVERYTHING. You are fearless. And trusting.

Every night your daddy and I sneak into your room and give you one last goodnight kiss. You are so sweet in your jammies, with your monkey close by.

Thank you for making me a mother. We love you more than we ever knew we could.

Squeezing Sand

2011-10-12T12:55:00.000-07:00

I had no idea how difficult this would be. My baby turning one. The sadness does not stem from the stage she is currently in, it comes from the speed at which she reached this stage. The reality of the overly warned cliche, "it goes so fast" has finally sunk in. It really does go too fast. I feel like I'm squeezing tight my handful of sand and it continues to slip out between my fingers. Trying to redirect my focus.

She is the most enjoyable one year old I have ever gotten to spend time with. She makes me laugh and sing and dance all day long.

I have been having so much fun planning her Birdie Birthday Party. This occasion is cause for serious celebration!

As if we needed more motivation to party, the backyard will be complete in time for the guests!

11 Months

2011-10-02T09:35:00.000-07:00

I just sealed the envelopes to Charlotte's First Birthday Party invitations. What? Not me, I have a newborn baby; not a toddler. How did this happen? How is this the last "monthly update" before my baby is ONE YEAR OLD! No, Father Time, you have made a mistake and stolen 10 months from me. Because, you see, I just had a baby. In fact, I just found out I was pregnant. So there is no possible way I am inviting friends and family over to celebrate her first birthday.

Despite my fruitless plea, here are the updates:

Standing well unassisted, no steps yet
Recognizing animals and trying to name them
Developing a sense of humor (fake laughing when we laugh at her)
Learning to sing ("Oooohhh")
2 naps
4 teeth
9-12 month clothing
Climbing on EVERYTHING!

We started a little Movement class last week and Charlotte had the time of her life. It is exactly what I was looking for. A big padded room with baby sized obstacles for her to climb on. I think she was in heaven. She climbed up 5 huge steps and slid down the slide, she bounced on a tire, she swam in the ball pit.

We also went and toured a dairy farm. Almost equally exciting. She met cows and pigs and goats. The whole way home she was saying, "mmaaa" which I must assume, in her world, is what the cow says.

Recently, Charlotte has started giving hugs and kisses. Be still my heart. She puts her head on my shoulder, pats my back, and says "awww." As if my heart could love her anymore.

The crew meeting the goats

Love them!

Cows...MAAA

Explode my heart!

Chatting about their day on the farm

Girls on a farm

Love them!

Climbing everywhere!

Learning guitar

Love

Asleep, sitting up, resting against the bars

A Wedding Adventure

2011-09-21T19:02:00.000-07:00

Jeremy's college roommate got married last weekend. In San Diego. The problem with living in Redding is: it is impossible to conveniently travel to a distant location. Our options were: fly from Redding for nearly $2000, fly from Sac (but pay for parking, gas, rental car, and still travel for 9+ hours) or drive. None of the options were appealing, but we knew the wedding was one not to be missed. So we drew straws and ended up with daunting task of driving 14 hours with an infant to San Diego. We left on Thursday after Jeremy got off work and everything went like clockwork. Charlotte played in the backseat until Sacramento. We stopped, had dinner, jammied her and hit the open highway. She conked out in no time and we were making great progress. We decided to stop around 2 AM to sleep for a few hours and finish the drive in the morning. The overly friendly and talkative front desk man at Motel 6 put the kibosh on that plan. Since it took 30 minutes to get checked in, Charlotte decided it was morning. We got to our room and she was thrilled to be out of the car and raring to go! Being an irrational germ-a-phob, I couldn't stomach the thought of putting her on the floor in a less-than-sanitary hotel room. So there we stood, 2:30 in the morning, with an irritatingly happy and energetic baby, watching the minutes of sleep pass us by. By 4:00 she had had enough and finally let us get some sleep. The final leg of the trip was smooth and we made it to San Diego in time to eat lunch and get ready for the rehearsal.

The day of the wedding was a little hectic for Jeremy as he was helping set things up and doing other groomsmany type things. Charlotte and I walked around Old Town, she took a nap, then we headed to the ceremony.

The wedding site was Torrey Pines State Reserve. The view was breathtaking. The ceremony was beautiful and Charlotte didn't do anything to sabotage her reputation as world's most perfect baby. After the ceremony we headed to the reception, which was the also the B&B were we were staying for the weekend. The food was to die for, and cupcakes divine, and the company second to none. It was so wonderful to spend quality time with college friends that we don't get to see nearly enough. And don't call CPS, but we were able to put Charlotte to bed in our room (that we could see from the reception) and enjoy the late night knowing she was sleeping happily in her bed. Perfection.

Sunday morning we took our time packing up and hit the road around 9. We made it up to Westwood in time for lunch and of course Diddy Reece. We showed Charlotte all around her future college and bought her the most adorable UCLA hat, that doesn't stay on her head longer than .5 seconds. After lunch and our campus tour, we hit the open road and drove until our eyeballs burst. We made it home around 1 AM. My champion husband was hallucinating at the end, but he got us home in one piece.

It was an exhausting but incredible weekend. Charlotte did so much better than I thought she might. Though, I don't think we will be making another 14 hour drive for quite some time.

A Bruin in the Making

Proud of her Daddy!

Exhausted from a fun weekend!

Lunch in Westwood

Daddy's Old Home

Can't leave without a Diddy!

We didn't have enough seats in the car

Enjoying Tacos with Mama in Old Town

My Favorite People

My Family

Like Father Like Daughter

2011-09-13T09:40:00.000-07:00

It's no secret that Charlotte genetically favors Jeremy in the physical appearance department. What does continue to shock me is how much she favors him in the personality department. The big things were fairly obvious from the start. According to those who knew him as a baby, Jeremy was easy going, content little thing. Charlotte could not possibly be a more laid back baby. According to those who knew me, my parents were saintly just for keeping my alive the first six months. We lucked out on that one!

As Charlotte gets older and I learn her quirks and idiosyncrasies I find so many small, odd things she has in common with Jer. For example, Jer loves to chew his ice. He will nurse a cup of ice for hours. The other day Charlotte lost a fight with a hardwood step and split her lip open. I gave her an ice cube to suck on and it changed her life. She sucked the life out of that ice and then desperately pleaded with me for another one. I wonder what gene the "ice loving" trait is on? Another odd one is how much they both love their beds. Jeremy admits as a kid he never really liked sleep-overs because he didn't like sleeping in a foreign bed. It is painfully obvious that Charlotte shares in that sentiment. In fact, my 7 PMer stayed up until 11 PM on Saturday night so she wouldn't have to sleep in the Pac 'n Play. When we got home, she jumped out of my arms into the loving embrace of her blankets, dollies, and pacis. How are these things genetic? In his baby book, Jeremy's mom openly comments on the amount of hiccups Jeremy had in the womb; I wrote the exact same thing in Charlotte's book (unknowingly).

I think I said this at 3 months, but 10 months may be my favorite age so far. Charlotte is so much fun. She talks and laughs and sings all day long. She is mobile and happy to explore her environment. She loves being around other babies and new toys. She loves her crib and will play in there for 10 minutes before nap and bedtime. She will play for an hour or more on her own wandering around the house causing mischief. I love to watch her explore and learn and process. Everyone tells me it only gets better, and I might be starting to believe them.

Getting into trouble

Playing with Evelyn

Sleeping sitting up

Helping Daddy with his Fantasy Draft

So helpful!

Bathroom in progress

More mischief

Our genius daughter

Noticing a trend? Into everything!

Happy birthday Charlie! We love you!

Best friend or Prom date?

Hi Mom!

No Hands!

Teeth, bruises, and Night Shift

2011-08-30T09:03:00.000-07:00

It seems like Charlotte jumped on the gross motor skill speed train all of sudden. Out of the blue, this baby can crawl, stand, climb, explore, and get into some serious trouble. In the past week she has had at least 2, if not 3 bruises on her face at all times. Just as one is starting to fade, she takes a header into the dining room table. Then, to add insult to injury, pulls the metal office chair on top of herself. It's rough being little. It is such a joy to watch her explore her world at her own pace in her own way. I love watching her little mind ponder a dilemma and process a solution; albeit often a poor solution.

The tooth count is up to 3, but since she would rather bite her tongue off than let me feel in her mouth, it's possible there are 15 in there and I just have no idea. I'm going to stick with 3 for now.

The big news in this household is my return to work. After 11 glorious months at home with my baby girl, it's time to leave my calling as a stay at home mom and go back to the grind of 12 hour shifts in the middle of the night. Sound dramatic? It was for effect. In reality, I accepted a Supplemental position in the NICU meaning I will only work 2 shifts a month. Since Charlotte is an angel baby and sleeps from 7-7 she will be none the wiser of my absence. I'm apprehensive about that first shift back, but once I get that under my belt I'm sure it will be smooth sailing. And hopefully those few shifts a month will enable us to tear out this atrocity of a front yard next year and replace it with something ~~less embracing~~ beautiful, functional, aesthetically pleasing.

My husband can die a happy man. We upgraded our 6 year old computer to an iMac. The same iMac he has been researching for the past year. Having never used a Mac, I am in the middle of a relatively steep learning curve. That being said, this post is lacking pictures because I don't know how to put them on this computer yet.

10 Months

2011-08-23T19:12:00.000-07:00

Charlotte has now officially been outside my body longer than she has been inside it. 10 months old. Unbelievable. The past week has been an explosion of milestones for her. Here's the laundry list of accomplishments.

Army crawls faster than a crab running from a gull
Starting to crawl on hands and knees
Can pull up on anything, even the wall
Can go from lying down to sitting up
Sleeps like a rock from 7-7 (sometimes longer)
2 consistent naps a day but can survive on 1 if something fantastic is happening
Wearing mostly 6-9 clothes but slowly changing over to 9-12 month
Getting fat!
No signs of stranger anxiety

We had our pictures taken by the always-spectacular Justine last month. They turned out better than I could have hoped for!

A Week in the Sun

2011-08-17T19:30:00.000-07:00

Every year when I was growing up, my family would spend a week in Sunriver, OR in December and snowboard at Bachelor. Once all the kids were away at college, the trip fell by the wayside. Until now! We just got back from the most spectacular week in Sunriver. Our first big vacation as a family of three. Parents, all 5 kids and their spouses and children. 15 of us. We hiked, swam, played games, white water rafted, shopped, toured, ate. It was a special time with people I don't get to see nearly enough. Charlotte was an absolute angel and had so much fun playing with her cousins, aunts and uncles, and grandparents. Most days she would play hard, nap a little, then sleep 14 hours at night to recharge for the next exciting day. Though 3 months her junior, her cousin Sophia taught her quite a bit about crawling and standing. It was incredible to see the developmental leaps Charlotte made in just one week. Before we left, Charlotte could not make it over the single step that led out of our family room. By the time we returned home, she was scaling the step like she'd been doing it for years. In 30 seconds she had made it from one end of the house to the other (and eaten some dog food along the way). So far she is sticking with the slightly unconventional, but equally effective, method of army crawling. It is hysterical to watch her squirm across the floor like a crab. And man is she fast. Here is the real bummer of army crawling. Charlotte is all the time filthy. I could be pushing my mop around 24/7 and the front of her shirt would still look like she was dragged through the mud. I think I will attach a Swiffer Pad to her stomach and let her do all the work.

She did pull her self up one time while we were there, and she also sat herself up one time. But neither of these feats have been repeated yet. I think I'll let her do them a few more times before I pen them in her baby book.

A few other fun milestones: Charlotte claps on command (without visual aid), waves "hi," and occasionally reaches for her head when you ask her, "where's your head?" It blows me away to see her learn and comprehend things.

In other fantastically exciting news, I got new carpet yesterday! After regretting my first carpet selection for 2 years, we finally took the plunge and replaced it. It is beautifully perfect and I am one happy mama! Live and learn.

Hiking the Deschutes River

Our Crew

My Beautiful Parents

Enjoying the High Desert Museum

Best Display

Quick Diaper Change

Playing with cousin Sophia

The Fam

Worn out!

Settlers in the Sun

Parenting

2011-08-01T20:25:00.000-07:00

Long before Charlotte came along I had an interest in parenting. Everything about parenting fascinated me. Different parenting strategies, different parenting personalities, etc. The psychology of raising children is one of my favorite subjects to research and study, and has been for many, many years. I had read more than 20 parenting books before I was even out of high school. Every morning before school, I would watch Dr. T. Berry Brazelton's show on Lifetime, What Every Baby Knows. I love to talk about parenting with experts, mentors and peers. Now that I have Charlotte I am starting to implement some of these ideas that I have spent years stewing over. Granted, I'm only 9 months in, but so far I am having the time of my life. My love of parenting psychology has only deepened since she entered the scene. The most astounding part of it all is how many extremely contradicting opinions there are out there. About EVERYTHING. As a perfectionist, it is aggravating to want to do it right only to discover there is no right! The most important thing I have learned so far is that everyone parents completely differently, and every baby needs to be parented differently. We are all doing the very best we can, with nothing but love for our children. As mothers, we want the best for them, and we do whatever it is we think will achieve that end. I have recently made a commitment to myself and my husband to try and keep my parenting opinions private unless specifically asked. I love this quote from an article I recently read:

"Child-rearing has been a touchy subject in America, perhaps because the stakes are so high and the theories so inconclusive. In her book Raising America: Experts, Parents, and a Century of Advice About Children, Ann Hulbert recounts how there’s always been a tension among the various recommended parenting styles—the bonders versus the disciplinarians, the child-centered versus the parent-centered—with the pendulum swinging back and forth between them over the decades. Yet the underlying goal of good parenting, even during the heyday of don’t-hug-your-kid-too-much advice in the 1920s (“When you are tempted to pet your child, remember that mother love is a dangerous instrument,” the behavioral psychologist John Watson wrote in his famous guide to child-rearing), has long been the same: to raise children who will grow into productive, happy adults. "

I thoroughly enjoyed this article and would highly recommend it. Really got me thinking. If you take time to read it, I would love to hear your opinion! READ ME!

Lil' Camper

2011-08-01T08:13:00.000-07:00

Dirt, sun, good food, great friends, s'mores (with peanut butter, sans chocolate), river rafting, life doesn't get much better. Camping. One of my greatest loves. This weekend was hopefully the start of Charlotte's deep love for the outdoors as well. We spent the last 3 days in the Klamath National Forest at Indian Scotty Campground with some wonderful friends from church and had a phenomenal time. The campground was beautiful, the weather was ideal, the half-deflated river raft was perfect for an exciting and memorable adventure, and the bridge was superb for jumping. I could not have asked for a better time. Charlotte is the best little camper I have met! She hiked, she napped, she was bathed in a stock pot, she learned about distant galaxies, she made s'mores (and then deprived of the joy of tasting one), she slept all night. Never has she reached such levels of filth or exhaustion; and yet, that smile stayed plastered on her face the entire weekend. Jeremy and I reflected on the way home what a joy and pleasure she was to have along. It wasn't stressful or excessive amounts of work, just fun and relaxing. She really does make everything better. It was so fun to share something we love so much with her. We are so blessed with such an easy going baby that it makes adventures like this not only doable, but enjoyable. When can we go back?

Hammock time

Happy Camper

Exhausting hike

Jer jumping

My turn

Bath time or Dinner time?

Both!

Jer practicing for the Lumberjack competition

My two favorite people

Tired the last day

9 Months

2011-07-29T08:15:00.000-07:00

Charlotte had her 9 month check-up. As always, Dr. Shettell is wonderful. She gave him an intimidating brow furrow, it didn't phase him. Just the facts, m'am:

Weight: 17 lbs 10 oz (25th %)
Length 27.5 inches (45th %)

Thoughts on Food

2011-07-29T08:07:00.000-07:00

We have another foodie in the house. When I reluctantly started feeding Charlotte at 6 months she wasn't particularly interested in what I had to offer. But over the course of 2 weeks, she went from an apathetic taster to an enthusiastic inhaler. This girl will eat anything. In the beginning, I would offer her a new food, mango for example, she would suck and suck on the piece until the rind was clean. I would call Jeremy, "She loves mango!" The next day it was pear, "She loves pear!" The next day is was egg salad "She loves egg salad!" Eventually, he got the idea. She has yet to meet a food item she doesn't like. Dinner is possibly her favorite time of the day. I put her in her chair naked with food on her tray and let her loose. She will literally sit and eat for an hour. Her attention span is astounding. Nothing like a little food as motivation. It is so fun to watch her choose which item on her tray she wants to eat. If there are 3 different choice (olives, strawberries, raisins for example) she will scan the tray, decide which piece she wants to eat, pick it up and eat it. The next bite will be a different selection. Sometimes a raisin and strawberry at the same time. Hey, why not? I don't think she will have an aversion to her food touching.

Feeding a baby feels like such a huge responsibility to me. For the first 6 months, her nutritional state never crossed my mind. Now, every single thing that goes into her body is exclusively my decision. Her health and nutritional well being is in my hands. I think I should have gone to nutrition school before this. And, as with every other thing in the parenting world, there are 10 million different opinions about the healthiest diet for children. I definitely fall into the safe, predictable camp, no gimmicks or fads just basic fruits, veggies, whole grains. Staying away from obviously poor choices. Then again, how many people grew up on chicken nuggets and tater tots and turned out just fine? Feeding her is a magnifying glass on my poor eating choices. Maybe I should hire a mother to dictate my diet as well as I control hers. "No cookies for you, Kelly, here is some juicy mango to enjoy!"

The real reason I feed Charlotte is so I can take 23,000 adorable pictures of her covered in food.

On The Move

2011-07-23T20:03:00.000-07:00

Wow! Almost two weeks without an update! Disgraceful. Honestly, things have been extremely busy and yet very predictable. There haven't been a lot of exciting, blog worthy events. Until now! Charlotte is officially mobile. Within a matter of days she went from a bump-on-a-log to professional army-crawling machine! Not very coordinated in appearance, but effective nonetheless; Charlotte can make quick work of an empty room. Moving from one side to the other in the blink of an (extremely extended) eye. Maybe more of a doze off than a blink. But still, she's moving! It is so incredibly adorable. She kicks her little legs then lunges forward with her head, sort of rolling and squirming and somehow making forward progress. I will definitely post a video of this exciting accomplishment.

Otherwise, things are peachy. Jer went on a backpacking trip last weekend and Charlotte and I survived our first 3 days without him.

She is 9 months old today! We have our check-up on Monday; stay tuned for her staggering statistics! Hoping to break 17 pounds!

She is really expanding her vocabulary. It now includes bluh-bluh-bluh with her tongue. Hard to describe, but oh so cute.

Best Buds

All her friends

Bath + Bubbles

Classic Spaghetti Pictures!

Ooooh...

Helping with the laundry

I see you!

Boo

My Little Fish

2011-07-11T15:30:00.000-07:00

Charlotte had her first swimming lesson today at the YMCA. I was apprehensive to say the least. Not only was her first pool experience less than exceptional; the lesson coincided perfectly with nap time. But, being the brave mommy I am, I put on our swimsuits and headed to the pool. The lessons are at the indoor pool and I think every kid west of the Sacramento River is enrolled. It was loud, and humid, and chaotic. Expecting the worst, we got in the ~~bath~~ pool (the water must have been at least 90 degrees). With a big smile on her face, she started splashing and kicking. All right! Unfortunately, the "Shrimp" class had very low enrollment, so us shrimp were combined with the seahorses. Despite the fact that the class is geared for 4 year olds, I am looking forward to at least exposing Charlotte to the water. And I am happy that she enjoyed it. I'm pretty sure by the end of the week she will be swimming the 50 Fly like a pro. Otherwise, I want my $25 back.

We have also been trying to have a few play dates each week. Charlotte, though not quite mobile, is starting to really enjoy being around new people and new toys. She is so sweet, sitting and watching the other kids crawl and play all around her.

We have had a very busy past few weeks, Charlotte has gone to bed late and missed many a nap, but she handles it well and continues to charm anyone who will give her the time of day. Love these long summer days!

The First Fourth

2011-07-05T09:12:00.000-07:00

Charlotte celebrated her first Fourth of July happily asleep in her bed. While the thought of watching fireworks with every other citizen of Redding sounds oh so enticing, my aversion to crowds kept us a safe distance away. And keeping the baby up 3 hours past her normal bedtime didn't exactly sound like a barrel of fun either. We did climb on our roof and saw where the fireworks would be, had there not been 20 trees in the way.

The big event of the day was Charlotte's first pool experience. Due to the lack of bathtub, Charlotte has spent her life being bathed in the kitchen sink. This doesn't leave much room for water play, so her exposure to and comfort in the water is limited. I wouldn't say she hated it, but she probably wouldn't put it on the list of her 5 favorite activities. We start swim lessons next week, so I'm looking forward to continued time in the water.

We celebrated Jer's birthday this weekend with pizza, bowling, frozen yogurt and great company. It was such a fun night. We are incredibly blessed to be part of this community. A word to the wise: unless you want your bowling game to be completely embarrassed, don't bowl with me. I scored an astronomical 33 the first game. That's right, 33. As for the warning: you're welcome...

Charlotte's bathroom is one step closer to completion. The bathtub was delivered last week. It is currently residing in our living room and acting as a coffee table/play pen. We are multi-purpose kind of people. Jeremy said it will be installed in the next month! No more kitchen sink baths for Boo. An exciting day indeed.

One Day I Won't be Covered in Puke

2011-06-29T09:29:00.000-07:00

This is not a glamorous blog, but I need to get it out of the way.

Charlotte is a puker.

Not at first. In fact, I remember thinking to myself (smugly) in the beginning, "I am so thankful that Charlotte doesn't spit up like _____'s baby, what an annoying thing." Well, little did I know I would be in for months and months of puke. I'm not talking a little spit-up here and there, I'm talking about large quantities of puke 6-8 times a day. At first I thought it was a phase, she'll grow out of it in no time. But days turned to weeks, and weeks to months, and the puking just carried on. Our pediatrician said that their pyloric sphincter is not fully developed until 6 months, so around then it should stop. 6 months came and went, and I'm still covered in puke on a daily basis. I thought, maybe when she started eating solid food it would slow down, but no such luck. The only thing that changed was the consistency of the puke. Wonderful...

I started developing strategies to get out the door with clean clothes. I had a designated "puke shirt" that I would wear over my real clothes and take off right before I left. Since I have a moral aversion to bibs, Charlotte would stay in her 'puke clothes' until we arrived at our destination, then I would change her. I carry around burp clothes wherever I go.There is a cloth tucked away in every corner of our house. If anyone wants to hold her, I hand them a burp cloth also. I even carry paper towels so I can wipe up the floor of Target when it splatters. And praise God for hardwood floors. I don't even want to think about what our house would smell like if we had carpet.

It does say a lot about a mother's love. I don't even mind that she does it. I know it's gross, and yes, it is extremely annoying, but I love her no matter what. God really blessed mothers with the ability to see their children through rose-colored glasses. I would feel so sorry for any other mom if I knew their baby puked on them everyday. But it doesn't phase me one bit.

So, don't feel bad for me. I love her regardless of the constant regurgitation. And a word of warning: I can't promise she won't get you!

I'm documenting this for the same reason I document everything else. One day, I will look back at this and remember what it felt like to be puked on all day. I will laugh about it, tease Charlotte about it, and move on. All of these things come and go so quickly. There is joy in everything, even puke.

8 Months

2011-06-25T12:08:00.000-07:00

2/3 of the way through our first year together. Let me say the token necessary, obvious things as I reflect on this past 8 months. Charlotte is the sweetest, most joyful soul I have ever met and I love her more than I ever knew possible. It has been so fun to watch her grow and develop. Had to say it, moving on.

Here are her current milestones.
* 2 teeth
* Rolling and sitting well
* No signs of crawling or movement
* Trying hard to get down to 2 naps a day (almost there)
* Nursing every 3-4 hours
* Eating 2-3 meals a day
* Sleeping 8-8
* Laughing all the time
* Says: "Dada" "Mama" "Baba" "Hiiii" "Yaya" "Lala"

I had an epiphany yesterday as I was feeding Charlotte lunch. I filled her tray with strawberries and bananas (two of her favorites) and added a few cereal puffs that were left over from the day before. I sat in awe as I watched my baby scan her tray, find a puff, pinch it and bring it to her mouth. She continued this process, completely avoiding every piece of strawberry and banana, until every puff was gone. She even went as far as to rescue wayward puffs from her lap before contemplating the fruit. The epiphany was this: my baby girl is a person. A real person, with opinions and the ability to make independent decisions. She is capable of thinking through a situation and making a choice. Duh, Kelly. What did you think you birthed? But, up until this event, that fact had simply not crossed my mind. Of course she would choose the sweet, carbo loaded snack over the organic fresh produce. It seems so insignificant. But to me, it was monumental. She is not just an oblivious baby anymore, she's aware and thoughtful. She has opinions, and she has the ability to act on those opinions. Let the fun of parenting begin.
Her most recent development is a fake whine. When she is wanting to voice a complaint, she purses her lips, furrows her brow, and lets out the most pathetic "uh-uh-uh" she can muster. As soon as she gets your attention, she smiles immediately. More signs of her growing ability to form and communicate opinions. Of course, I still find it adorable, but Jeremy is not so sure.
She still shows no signs of separation anxiety or stranger apprehension. Though she is so infrequently away from me, or around strangers, that this is really a moot point. She will happily be held by anyone and is extremely outgoing and social at the store. Which is why it now takes me an hour to walk through Target.
Another fun milestone that she is quickly approaching is the ability to play with other babies. Last week we had dinner with our best friends Tiffany and Aaron. Their little guy is just about 2 months older than Charlotte. For the first time, they sat on the floor and played together. Their game was an exciting one: pass the same toy back and forth about 100 times. They were happy and interacting, and I almost cried as I sat and watched them. We are so blessed to be surrounded by such wonderful community. Charlotte already has more friends than I do.

Playing with my dollies

At the park with my buddy

Let me just feel your eye ball really quickly...

Morning playtime

Lunch

Play date with my best friend Evelyn

Weekend Away

2011-06-21T08:50:00.000-07:00

We finally did it! We have been dying to spend a weekend at my parent's house in McCloud for months now, and for one reason or another it had yet to happen. Until this past weekend! Other than moving out to have our hardwood floors refinished, we had never taken Charlotte on an overnight trip. Charlotte being the ~~home-body~~ crib-body that she is, I was a little nervous about how she would do sleeping in a new environment for an entire weekend. She did great!
I spent most of Friday packing, cleaning, running errands, so that when Jer got home we would be ready to go. We hit the road around 5:30 and Charlotte slept the entire way up. She was happy as could be when we arrived and so was I! It had been way too long. She ended up staying up until 10:30 that first night, but eventually went to bed fairly easily and slept the whole night.
Jeremy spent the majority of Saturday in the attic engineering blocking from which he could safely hang the porch swing we got my dad as a retirement/Christmas gift 6 months ago. He happily informed my parents that they could gain 500 pounds and still safely enjoy their swing. They immediately ate 5 cookies and a piece of cake.
Charlotte and I helped prime and paint the swing, mostly enjoying the sunshine and beautiful weather.
Saturday night Charlotte stayed and played with my parents and Jeremy and I went to dinner in Mt. Shasta. It was great to get away for an hour and Charlotte had a fun on her tour of McCloud.
Sunday we went to Church and then on a hike at Fowler's Falls.
Overall an incredibly relaxing and enjoyable weekend. Can't wait to get back up there. Hopefully it doesn't take another 8 months.
To celebrate our weekend away, Charlotte got her second tooth. They are really coming in now, and if she ever moves her tongue (rarely), you can really see them!

Playing on the porch, pre-swing

Playing in the grass, enjoying the sunshine

Bathtime

Fruits of their labor

First Cold

2011-06-16T08:16:00.000-07:00

I knew it would happen, I just didn't expect it the first week of nice weather. Charlotte's first cold. Very mild as far as colds go. Just a snotty nose and sore throat (I know because she is constantly trying to clear her throat, which sounds like she is growling at me, which is a viable possibility as well.) She is being such a good sport about it, but how miserable it must be for her. The majority of her life right now involves sucking, and without the ability to breath through your nose, effective sucking is next to impossible.

Despite feeling crummy, she is still her normal happy self. As exhibited by this video.

Who knew having your feet bit off could be so funny. Having a baby gives you a false sense of your comedic value. If I just spent all my time with Charlotte, I might consider a job as a stand-up comedian.

That second tooth has yet to pop through, but it sure is close.

The Eruption

2011-06-07T21:37:00.000-07:00

It's here! The very first tooth. Can't see it yet, but you can definitely feel it. And the break through was relatively painless (for us both).

Charlotte did have a pretty rough two days, but handled it like a trooper. Vaccines in the morning, ear infection (Not on the eardrum, but in the canal. No oral antibiotics needed, just some drops) and tooth overnight. Despite it all, she was still in good spirits today.

She has officially added "Mama" to her vocabulary. It is starting to trump "Dada" though "Dada" still holds the record for most spoken word by a long shot. She says it with her tongue out so it's a mix between "mama" and "baba." It is very sweet. And she is so proud of herself.

My first week away from her could not have gone any better. She spent 2 days with my dad, one day with Jer, and one day with my mom. She was an angel all four days, not that I would have expected any differently. I don't know if I would say I enjoyed my time away, but it was not nearly has heart-wrenching as I expected it to be. I am gone a little over 3 hours, and the time flies by. It is comforting to know that she is happy and being well loved while I am away. I also like knowing that she is secure and feels safe even if I am not there. One potential down-fall of being a stay-at-home mom is the lack of socialization your baby receives. I appreciate that Charlotte doesn't need me in her sight to be happy and know that she is loved. We'll see in a few months if she continues to feel that way.

Every morning Charlotte wakes up and chats with herself in her crib. Then, if Jer is still home, he goes and gets her and brings her to our bed. I nurse her and then we spend 10 minutes talking and snuggling in bed. This is hands-down the sweetest 10 minutes of my day. Today I was thinking how precious this time is. When #2 comes along I won't have the luxury of lounging in bed with him/her without a toddler running around and needing my attention also. I am savoring every moment I get to pour 100% of my love an attention into my beautiful daughter.

Love strawberries!

Yes, the entire strawberry is in her mouth. She can't eat it fast enough

Got my first tooth today!

Who, me?

Can you see it?

Trauma

2011-06-04T20:18:00.000-07:00

It took me a little while to recover enough from the trauma of the event to write this post. Now, almost a week later, I am only flashing on it every 10 minutes instead of every minute. Improvement.

It happened. The baby fell. The baby fell far. It was horrible, heart-breaking, disappointing, and by the grace of God, not terribly damaging. Charlotte was sitting in her Bumbo on the kitchen counter, as she did every day up until this event, when the dog decided she wanted to come inside. I walked into the laundry room and heard a thud. Thinking she knocked something off the counter, I peaked around the corner, and to my horror, saw my beautiful baby girl lying on the tile. Shaking and subconsciously holding my breath, I rush to her, scoop her up and begin assessing her. She is crying, her head is completely intact, everything on her body looks normal and unharmed. I rush to the phone, call Jeremy and tell him what just happened. He was about half way to work and immediately turned around and came home. I called the ER. I called a good friend who was the director of the ER. I called of pediatrician. I called anyone I could think of. The consensus was: keep an eye on her and bring her in if anything seems abnormal. But nothing did. She seemed completely fine. How is that possible? How could this sweet, fragile baby girl plummet from the top of the counter to the hard tile floor and escape unscathed? Maybe she is not so fragile... Jeremy, Charlotte and I sat on the couch for a while trying to recover from the horrifying experience. Charlotte was fast asleep and I held her tight, sobbing and apologizing. Never have I felt like such a wretched person. After her nap, she woke up smiling, and chatting. As if nothing had ever happened. If only I could have fallen asleep and forgotten so easily.

This sounds so dramatic. I know if someone else wrote this blog and I was reading it, I would think to myself, "The baby is fine, get over it." By all means, think that. But when it happens to you, and you find your own baby lying on the tile floor, and you don't know if she is going to be okay or not, come back and read this blog and tell me you didn't react the same way. I also know I have a lifetime of bumps and bruises ahead of me, but it is a little different when the accident was potentially life threatening. There is something a little different between a broken arm and a cracked skull. Also, when you are directly responsible for the accident, the guilt is overwhelming.

Obvious lesson learned: Do not leave baby unattended in Bumbo on any elevated surface. She may not be able to roll over, but she can somehow launch herself out of the seat.

Since the incident, I have put Charlotte back in the Bumbo at least 10 times and she has not ever come close to getting out. For the life of me, I cannot figure out how she did it. It will be a life-long mystery.

So, I am embarrassed to admit I was the irresponsible mother who let her baby fall off the counter, but I am so grateful to God that He protected her.

Jeremy told me that if she doesn't get into Stanford, he is blaming me.

I, however, know that she is a genius. The girl is practically talking in sentences already. Well, not exactly sentences, but close :)

Not much to report in the physical development department. No teeth. Not really rolling much. Still not a lot of hair. Her Uncle Ryan did comment that she is looking chubbier though. Maybe we'll break out of the 5th percentile by our next check-up!

I will write another post next week about my class and leaving her for the first time; but for now this post is getting too long.

As always, she is the biggest joy and blessing in our lives.

Working 9 to 5...

2011-05-31T08:13:00.000-07:00

Okay really it's only 1:00-4:00; but nonetheless, today is the first day I will be leaving Charlotte to go back to work. Not bedside nursing, and not 12 hour shifts and yet my heart is still in turmoil. I know the 4 hours I am away will be wonderful. She will have a blast with her grandpa and will be loved and cuddled and protected while I am gone, but I can't help but shed a tear or two this morning as the hours together dwindle. I am teaching a class at Shasta College for the next 2 weeks. It will go quickly and be a huge help financially to our family. I'll update tomorrow how the first day goes. First day is always the hardest.

Charlotte is doing wonderfully. I think she is starting to take after daddy a little bit in her sleeping preference. It is 8:10 right now and she is still out like a light. Which would be wonderful if it weren't for the fact that my body has a feast fit for a king waiting to feed to her, making it rather unpleasant for me to wait.
She has rolled from her back to her tummy a total of 3 times. She seems to get 99% of the way over, then flop back to her back. I was talking to a man in the grocery store yesterday who told me his 6 month old is crawling all around the house. I just smiled and kissed my little boo boo who is perfectly content stationary. I am savoring every second of her immobility. How convenient to be able to set her in one place and know in 5 minutes she will be in that exact same place. I know it won't last forever, but I have a few more months to enjoy!

Hooray! She's awake!

Letting Go

2011-05-24T20:16:00.000-07:00

Since Charlotte has come into my life, I have been reluctant to be away from her, even for an hour. I have been so blessed by the opportunity to stay home and have not yet had to leave her for any specific occasion. Jeremy and I have been out on 2 dates and I have run to the grocery store once or twice but other than that, we have been inseparable. As the months pass, I am beginning to loosen up a bit and allow her out of my sight more and more. I am even starting to overcome the constant stomach ache that befalls me the second I walk out the door. This is a wonderful, yet difficult growing process for me. I am learning and accepting that other people are not only capable, but exceptional at lovingly caring for my sweet girl. Shocking, I was pretty convinced I was the only one qualified to care for an infant. But, I am loosening my grip on her; on the control I feel I must have over every second of her day. I enjoy seeing her spend time with her daddy and her grandparents. It fills my heart to know that she is forming relationships with her family. I love to see her loved by the people I love. (That's a lot of love!)
On Saturday, Jeremy took her for her first bike ride around the River Trail. I seized my alone time by meeting my dear friend Christa at the Farmer's Market. It was so wonderful to stroll through the vegetables with two free arms. We even went and did some shopping at the mall and enjoyed food court lunch! Charlotte had a wonderful time with her daddy and I had the most peaceful 2 hours to myself. The jury is still out on bike ride.
Tonight, my dad came over and watched Charlotte while I went shopping and out to dinner with Ginger. I got to eat my entire dinner without having to pick a single thing off the floor! It was glorious. And Charlotte and Grandpa had a wonderful time walking through our neighborhood and playing with her toys.
I love my baby girl more than I could fathom. A few hours apart here and there is good for me, and for her. I know as more kids come along I will have no choice but to be less of a control freak. I am taking the time while I have it to ease my way into a more relaxed, less controlling state of mommy-hood.

How do I segue from that to poop? That worked I guess.

Gone are the days of every other week pooping. Charlotte now poops 2-3 a day! I know this is really inappropriate to be discussing on my blog, but remember, this is really my personal journal of raising a baby, and what mother doesn't keep track of pooping patterns? She has discovered the most effective way to get out of nap early is to fill her diaper! Seriously...EVERY NAP! I am tempted to stop feeding her solids just to get my non-pooping baby back.

I boasted about her incredible rolling abilities a few days ago. Turns out it was a fluke. She has yet to repeat her acrobatic maneuver. I haven't told her that most of her 5 month old friends are rolling circles around her. No need to crush her spirit just yet.

Testing out the new ride

Not so sure about this...

And they're off!

Mmmm...Bananas

Mysteries of Motherhood

2011-05-19T21:36:00.000-07:00

Charlotte is such a mystery to me. I think this is the hardest part of mothering to me thus far: not know what the heck is going on with her. Right now, our biggest struggle is bedtime away from home. Thursday night house church has been hit or miss for the past few months. Some nights she did pretty well, but recently things have not been going to smoothly. It seems like I have tried it all, and what works one week, doesn't work the next. Then, on Saturday night we had dinner at my grandma's and Charlotte went to bed without a peep and proceeded to sleep through a very loud dinner party. Come Thursday, I do everything exactly the same way and she cries the whole time. What gives? All I want to do is know the problem and fix it, but that's just not possible. It's hard when your baby doesn't cooperate. Maybe there isn't anything to "fix," maybe it's just a matter of sticking with it and letting her grow out of it. It feels like you are a bad mother and you have a "bad" baby. I just want to tell everyone, "No really, she isn't like this. She is really a good baby!" And of course, she is a good baby. The best any mom could ever ask for. And for whatever reason, she has a hard time sleeping away from her own crib. Except on Saturdays. Maybe we could move Thursday nights to Saturdays and everything would be better! Well, back to the drawing board. What new thing will I try next week? Maybe the pac 'n play in the closet is too scary, next week I'll try a different room. That will probably work. Once. And then the following week she'll lose it again. Such is the cycle. One day she will beg me to go spend the night with her best friend Evelyn and I will remind her how much she hates sleeping at the Shepard's.

Growing

2011-05-19T15:36:00.000-07:00

Charlotte is ~~growing~~ developing so quickly lately. She may be on the petite side, but that's not stopping her! It has been so fun the past few weeks watching her learn so many new things. As of today, she can roll from her tummy to her back and her back to her tummy. (Though she has only done that once). Phew! Glad to know she won't be needing to master that skill in kindergarten. She will sit on her blanket and really play with her toys. Today, she was dropping her rattle into a bucket, taking it out, then dropping it in again. Each time it would loudly drop to the bottom, she would laugh. She is becoming selective in her toy preferences. If presented with the same 3 toys, she will always choose her favorite. When sitting on her blanket, she will "bail out" of her sit in order to get to a toy that is out of reach. Today at lunch Jeremy said, "she is becoming such a person." Yes, we did birth a person after all. But I get what he means. She is really maturing and showing her personality.
She wakes up chatting and doesn't stop all day. This morning it was, "yayayaya hhhhhhiiiiiiiii dadadada" and then, "wwwwwoooowwwww." She loves the sound of her voice, and so do I! I even had to step out of the room to talk on the phone because I couldn't hear over her jibber-jabber.
She now helps you get her out of the carseat. After you loosen the straps, she puts her arms straight out and arches her back. It is actually quite helpful.
From the beginning I sensed she had a gentle, content spirit; so far that seems to be holding true. I can't believe in a few short months she will be walking and talking. I never thought I would look forward to that, but I now realize how fun it will be to hear what she has to say.

Every 6 month old needs a bathrobe, right?

I made her a Taggie. I hope she loves it :)

Still Toothless

2011-05-17T08:22:00.000-07:00

Last post I discussed our visit from the tooth monster. Well, he really is a monster because he spent a week tormenting my sweet girl and then denied her the satisfaction of actually sprouting teeth. So, we are still toothless around here. But the good news is my sweet, happy baby girl is back to her normal self. So was it teething? Was she sick? Was she just cranky for a week? Who knows. One of the many mysteries of motherhood; sometimes you just can't know what's going on in their little bodies.
It is such a relief to have my sweet girl back. She is laughing at everything recently. Yesterday she was sitting on the floor playing and I was playing peek-a-boo from behind the couch. She was laughing so hard that she tipped over! Her laugh is so contagious and so sweet.
We are still figuring out our solid food plan of attack. I'm sticking with mostly whole food and allowing her to feed herself, but also offering a little help if she wants. So far her favorites are bananas and sweet potatoes. Sometimes I offer twice a day, others just once, and sometimes, if we are busy, she doesn't get any at all. I am slowly working my way up to at least once a day, with the goal being twice a day by the time she is about 8 months. I know she is getting all she needs from breastfeeding, so eating is more of a learning/fun experience right now.
At the end of the year I will be writing a letter to myself about all the things I have learned about being a first-time mommy. That way, I will be able to remind myself of these lessons when we do this again. I work on the letter in the shower almost everyday. It's really more of a novel than a letter. I usually promptly forget by the time a finish drying off. I better start taking notes :) I have learned so many valuable lessons and continue to learn and grow daily.
The weather has been dreary which can make the days a little long, but there is sunshine in the forecast and I couldn't be happier about it. I am so looking forward to the summer.
I'm sorry to say I didn't take any new pictures this week. Rest assured, next week's posts will be fully saturated with them.

The Tooth Monster

2011-05-09T12:19:00.000-07:00

It's going to be a long time before the Tooth Fairy visits this household; however, it seems we have been visited by another fictional character related to those precious pearly whites: the tooth monster. My sweet, happy, content little baby girl has been miserable for the past 4 days. (And mommy is none too happy about it). I have heard a lot of moms say there babies teethed "well." I'm assuming that means it wasn't too grueling of an experience for either party. Apparently, Charlotte is not so lucky. Nor am I. She has been running a fever off an on, probably fighting a bit of an ear infection, and generally discontent. Pair that with the ever-dripping fire hose someone installed in her mouth and her bulgy, swollen gums, and you have one sad little girl. The night before Mother's Day we spent 10 hours (off and on) rocking and snuggling and crying and nursing and maybe a little sleeping. Her Mother's Day gift to me was a lesson in the definition of motherhood. At 2 in the morning, I sat in her chair singing and kissing her thinking to myself, "This is truly what it means to be a mom." Although I might have preferred to get a little sleep, I was grateful to be able to spend that time with her, and alleviate her discomfort. I was so thankful that I could comfort her and help her to feel better. There will be a day, coming all too soon, where snuggling in a rocking chair with mom won't make her world all better. Until then, I will cherish those special moments together.

Mother's Day was a little tainted, but we still had a wonderful day. Jer played music at church so was gone at 5:30 AM. He did take time to leave me a little surprise on the counter from Charlotte and Abbey. It made my day.

Charlotte hasn't learned too many new tricks in the past week. She is loving eating, and so far doesn't show too much pickiness. So far her diet has included: apple, pear, mango, banana, cantaloupe, avocado, broccoli, sweet potato, chicken, turkey, rice cake. Today I bought her some yogurt and blueberries. It has been fun watching her learn how to eat and she seems to really enjoy participating in meal time with us. She is still nursing every 2.5-3 hours.

She spends most of her day saying "dadadada." It is so cute. You can even ask her to say it and she will. At church on Sunday, the pastor had all the mothers stand to be recognized. As the mothers were standing and the church was quiet, Charlotte was sitting on Jer's lap loudly saying "dadadada." Oh well, I know she loves me!

Last weekend we took Charlotte on her first "hike." I put that in quotes, because "hike" is a bit of a stretch. It was more of a stroll. But very fun nonetheless. We went with our good friends Courtney and Eric and their adorable son Tyler to Mossbrae Falls in Dunsmuir. The babies did great! Slept the whole way up there, happily enjoyed the hike and the falls, then slept the whole way home. The weather was perfect and the waterfall was breathtaking! It was so fun to get out and enjoy God's beautiful creation. The first of a lifetime! We are really looking forward to instilling a love of the outdoors in Charlotte. She will love it, whether she likes it or not!

Excited for her first hike!

Our Crew

Exhausted from a fun day

Sleeping

Really, mom?

6 Months

2011-04-26T08:10:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about this post for quite some time now. I often thought to myself, "It will be so weird when she is 6 months old, that is soooo old!" And, alas, here we are... 6 months! Half a year! Really clock, time to slow down a bit...

Here are the 6 month stats:
Weight: 13 lbs 8 oz (8th percentile)
Length: 24.5 inches (5th percentile)
Accomplishments:
Sitting
Rolling from stomach to back
Starting to show interest in solids (Currently enjoying carrots and sweet potatoes)
Reaching well for toys

Pincher grasp established
Recognizing familiar faces
Saying, "yayaya and dadada"
Sleeping: 6:30 PM-6:30 AM
Naps: 3 per day
Nursing: every 2-3 hours

Isn't God incredible? Sometimes I think about the fact that I single-handedly sustained another human life for 15 months and I am just awe-struck. She went from a single cell to a 13 pound person in less than a year and a half just on the nutrition and support I provided. How lucky are we, as mothers, that we get to experience this relationship?

Here are some other numbers I worked up, just for fun: (All estimates, of course)
Weeks Old: 26
Days Old: 182
Diapers Changed: 1460
Poopy Diapers: 25
Loads of Diapers Washed: 80
Hours Spent Nursing: 728
Trips to the Dr: 5 (all well-baby checks)
Teeth: 0
Clothing: 3-6 months

(I look at those numbers and I can't help but think about Michelle Duggar. Those numbers relate to 6 months, with one baby. Times that by 23 years and 19 babies.)

mmmm...Carrots!

Naked play time after bath

Ready to show-off how big I am!

See!

A New Perspective

2011-04-22T10:23:00.000-07:00

Last week I reported a lack of exciting milestones or accomplishments; Charlotte must have read the blog. This week she has exploded with major accomplishments. Most notably: sitting and rolling! I believe she has a personal coach living in her crib that spends all night teaching her how to do these things so in the morning she can amaze us with her newly acquired skills. One day she couldn't sit or roll, and the next day she could! She has yet to roll from her back to her stomach, but she is a pro at getting from her tummy to her back. As our Dr. put it, "It's harder to be a turtle than a lion." My thoughts exactly...
Tackling these feats came as a great relief for Jeremy. I told him, per "standards" she should be rolling by 6 months. She made it just in time! Good thing too, he was researching rolling schools and getting ready to sign her up for intensive roll-training. That would have been expensive...
Not much change in the solid food department. I have over the past week offered every delectable fruit and vegetable I can find and she continues to turn her nose. Even the idea of food in her mouth is offensive. I'm throwing in the towel. If she wants to eat, she can just say so. I can guarantee she won't go to kindergarten exclusively breastfed. I kid... But really, I'm going to take a break for a few weeks and then try again. No point in trying to force the issue.
I failed as a mother and did not purchase Charlotte an Easter dress. I will go hunting tomorrow, but might be out of luck. I did get her a basket (well a bucket actually) and am hoping the Easter Bunny comes by to fill it up. I won't tell her if he doesn't. I will send him a strongly worded letter inquiring why my daughter was left out of his circulation and ensuring it doesn't happen again next year.

Happy Easter everyone!

2011-04-13T09:20:00.000-07:00

I didn't really know where to go with this blog. This week hasn't been full of exciting milestones, or wondrous achievements. I read a lot of other blogs where the women post witty observations about day-to-day events, often turning the otherwise mundane into hilarity and irony. I thought, maybe I have something to write about that doesn't involve an update on Charlotte. But then I got real with myself. Everything in my world involves Charlotte right now. Why fight it? And, if my goal for this blog is to have an accurate, detailed record of her first year, I should probably stick with the happenings of her world.
As I mentioned last week, I have been wrestling with the issue of introducing solids for quite some time now. I know a few years down the road I will think to myself, "why did you care so much about that?" Seeing as how it is really not that big of a deal whether she eats at 4 months or 6; but for right now, it has become a big decision for this mommy-brain. After I had decided to wait until 6 months, I stumbled across an aggravating article that told me I was actually doing her harm by not starting at 4 months. Why must I torture myself with research? Anyway, taking it all into consideration, I decided to give it a go this week, starting with banana. Fail. At first, I handed her a piece and let her gnaw on it. Every time it entered her mouth, she made the most pitiful, disgusted face I have ever seen. I thought I would mash it up and help her out, that was even more offensive! Okay, how about pear? Fail. Same reaction. I am forgoing rice due to its propensity to cause constipation. The last thing this once a week pooper needs is something slowing down her tortoise-paced bowels. After seeing other babies reaching out for their food, opening their mouth to the approaching spoon, crying when the food is gone, it is clear that Charlotte is not ready/wanting to start eating regularly yet. Phew! I wasn't really wanting to start yet either :) So, 2 more weeks and we will try again.

Slow and steady may be the motto of this little girl's life.

In a similarly slow fashion, she is taking her sweet time with the whole rolling conquest. I just hope she doesn't figure it out while unattended on the changing table or bed. Wait, I would never do that...Pretty sure she will be rolling before her first day of kindergarten.

Jer and I did have the extreme pleasure of going on our second date in 6 months. We went to a fabulous dinner at Olive Garden (on Santa) and a $3 movie. I love spending less than $10 on a whole evening out! We almost missed our movie because we were so deep in conversation at dinner, we lost track of time. I even forgot we had a baby at home for like 35 seconds! Charlotte was in the wonderfully loving arms of her Grammy and Pop and was a complete angel.

The house is really coming together. The playroom was completed this weekend and is fabulous! Now, we just need some toys, and a baby that can move and we're all set! I'd say a few more weeks and things will be back to normal. Nay, better than normal!

Darlin' Reach Out....Reach Out...

2011-04-01T08:21:00.000-07:00

No item in this household is safe. No plate, glass, nose, eyeball, hair, pen, cell phone. The once immobile, unaware infant is actively reaching and grabbing at anything and everything that comes within eye shot of her now voluntarily controlled arms. What a big change! No longer can my dinner plate be at the edge of the table, no longer can my glass of water sit on the desk. In the mornings, after Charlotte has chatted happily with herself for 15 minutes, I go into her room and find her, arms outstretched with a giant smile on her face. Could a day start any better?

We were overjoyed to spend last week with our brother and sister-in-law and our incredibly handsome little nephew (who happens to be 2 days younger than Charlotte). Unfortunately they live too far away, and it took 5 months for us to finally get to meet the little guy! We had a blast, and the babies, of course, love each other already! David did his best to teach Charlotte how to roll over, to no avail. Though she was utterly impressed with his gross motor skills. We miss them dearly and are looking forward to our visit this summer. I am so excited for Charlotte to have 2 cousins her same age! I wasn't so lucky, so I had to marry Jer, because he has some pretty great cousins and I needed a few.

As always, Charlotte continues to brighten our every day. And so has this sunshine. What a welcome and drastic change in weather! We have spent every possible moment outside and I think Charlotte is taking after her sun-loving Mama.

Also, I finally threw in the point-and-shoot towel and upgraded to a digital SLR. Of course, I have no idea how to use it, but I have a very kind man waiting on an instructional DVD to tell me how. I just couldn't stand to miss one more smile while my camera took 5 seconds to focus. And this baby is way too cute to not have good pictures of her. See...

5 Months

2011-03-22T17:22:00.000-07:00

Has it really been 5 months? 150 days? 3600 hours?

Isn't is incredible that you can spend 3600 hours straight with a person (nay, 3593) and never grow tired of them.

Wrapping up month 4. I would have to say this has been the month with the most ups and downs so far. Not necessarily "downs," just a few more bumps. We have had a few sleep challenges and a few eating challenges, but we are learning and growing each day. Charlotte is teaching me so much about parenting, and about myself.

More notably, we have had some incredible highs. Charlotte is an absolute crack-up! She is now laughing frequently, and becoming a real chatter-box. She is experimenting with new sounds (like yelling) and becoming proficient at toy-to-mouth interactions.

No, she does not roll, or sit, or have teeth, or weigh more than 12 pounds.

Yes, she does fit in most of her 0-3 month clothes still, but out of principle I dress her in 3-6 month attire.

She is full of joy, and love, and happiness, and we couldn't be any more blessed.

And she loves the Bruins, so Jeremy has agreed to keep her.

I gave her a taste of avocado on Saturday and she was quite offended. Jeremy, not wanting any to go to waste, consumed it for her. We will try again next month. After hours and hours of research, I have settled on this method for introducing solids. We will start at 6 months and see how it goes. If nothing else, it will make for great pictures!

She loves her exersaucer, her jungle gym, and her Jenny Jump-up.

She graduated from front-carry to back-carry and is pretty pleased with herself. I love it too! Since she is so light, on my back I can hardly tell I am even holding her.

She naps like a pro, and loathes bedtime. Seriously, how can she tell the difference? Once asleep, she snoozes peacefully for 11-12 hours.

One thing I know for sure: I am ready for some sunshine! And so is Abbey...

Big girl

GO BRUINS!!!

Bath time

Mmm...Sophie

Best friends

Happy St. Patrick's Day! (I know the flower is huge, but it's the only green one we have!)

Jumping our First Hurdle

2011-03-11T08:24:00.000-08:00

I have been procrastinating this blog.

I wanted to be able to post, "Sleep problems are solved! Everything is back to normal!"

and

They are!

After almost 2 weeks of waking up at night, taking 45 minute naps, having a hard time going to bed, we have officially conquered Charlotte's sleep regression (4 days and counting!) The sleep-squelching bandit? The Swaddler! After much trial and error, lots of tears (from us both) and advice from every woman who has ever birthed a baby, or even been in the same room as a baby, or said the word baby, we figured out our little Miss did not want to be a baby burrito anymore. She was yelling "set me free!" It just took 2 weeks for me to figure it out. The transition out of baby bondage was pretty smooth. The first night (still swaddled) we had a 45 minute sleep-cry-sleep-cry session before she finally succumbed to Mr. Sandman. That night she woke up once but went right back to sleep. The next night the crying started even earlier. She started her revolt as soon as the blanket was zipped up. Refused to nurse, didn't want her Paci, just wanted to yell, "let me out of here!" So, throwing caution to the wind, I unzipped her torture chamber and released her arms. Asleep within 45 seconds.

Really? That was all you wanted? This couldn't have been so simple! Why didn't you just say so!

It wasn't. Well, it almost was. That night she woke up every 2 hours, but was back asleep in less than a minute.

I thought, let's give it one more try and if night #2 is as big of a train wreck as night #1, we will return to baby bondage and head back to the drawing board. So bed time rolls around. We follow our same bedtime routine, except no swaddler this time. She nurses well, and falls asleep with in 5 minutes of being put down. Not holding my breath, I head to bed with the baby monitor in hand. At 5 AM I jump out of bed and realize I haven't heard from the baby in 10 hours! Wanting to check on her, but willing to do anything to not wake her up, I begin to ponder my options. Too cold to go peak through the window, and Abbey wasn't able to get me any useful info; I decide I just need to go make sure she was okay. As I'm reluctantly dawning my slippers, she makes a sweet little noise through the monitor. As if to tell me, "don't worry Mom, I'm as happy as can be. Thank you for letting me have my arms back!" She slept until 7.

Night 3 went even better: not a peep after I put her down until 7 the next morning.

Now, night 4 we hit a speed bump. On Thursday nights we have House Church. I attempted to put Charlotte down at her normal time, following her normal routine, and it was an epic failure. She would fall asleep, then wake herself back up within 2 minutes. After missing out on the entire evening, we decided to head home a little early and put her to bed in her own crib.

Sleep mission #2: Learn how to sleep in a foreign environment. I didn't have any of her own blankets with me, so I'm hoping next week that will be secret weapon. I know, you're on the edge of your seat to hear the outcome of this crisis!

As far as the starvation saga goes, she seems to be pretty well satisfied. During the day she is content and happy as a clam. Bound and determined to exclusively breastfeed for 6 months, I have started giving her an extra 2 ounces of breast milk at bedtime. Seems to do the trick and saves me from needing to give her any food yet.

Now for my confession, I didn't take a single picture this week! So for those of you who visit this blog simply to admire my beautiful baby, check back next week! We are having professional pictures taken on Monday by my incredibly talented cousin and I am jumping out of my skin excited! I have absolutely no idea what to dress her in, but I have the weekend to decide.

Better get started!

Starving to Death

2011-03-01T08:52:00.000-08:00

Apparently when a baby turns 4 months old, they realize that they have been starving to death for the past 4 months. Every mom I have talked to has said the same thing. "He was sleeping through the night fine, then at 4 months started waking up hungry." Well, lo and behold, Charlotte got the memo. Last week, her appetite was insatiable. For the past 2 months, she was 100% consistent: Wake up at 7:30, eat, play for 1-1.5 hours, nap for 1.5-2 hours, then start all over. She would go to bed at 7:15 and sleep for 12 hours. Then one day, everything changed. She started waking up 30 minutes into her nap, starving. She really couldn't make it any more clear: "Feed me!" And, out of the blue, at 4 in the morning, just had to eat! So after a few days of feeding her every 2 hours, drinking lots of water to try and keep up, it seems like she is getting back to normal. Yesterday she went back to her 3 hour routine and slept from 7-6 (then went back to sleep until 8:20). So I'm praying this was her way of increasing the volume of feeds and now she will be more satisfied.

Heaven knows, we need to feed this baby! She had her 4 month check-up and is indeed, a peanut! At just over 12 pounds and 23 inches, she is in the 15th and 5th percentiles respectively. Nothing to worry about, she is developing wonderfully! She smiled and flirted with Dr. Shettell the entire appointment. (Insert shameless plug) We absolutely LOVE Dr. Shettell. He was a resident at Mercy the past few years where I worked quite a bit with him. As luck would have it, he was opening his family practice the week before Charlotte's birth and was accepting new patients. He is so kind, easy to talk to, great with the baby, and extremely reasonable! AND he's a big breastfeeding advocate, which not all physicians are. He encouraged me to not worry at all about her weight and continue exclusively breastfeeding for the next two months. "Breast is best!" Seriously, did he read my mind? Did Jeremy pay him to tell me what I wanted to hear? So, if you're in the market for a new family physician, he comes with the Kelly Pagan stamp of approval! (As both a nurse and a mom)

We are slowly getting our house back in order. Jeremy finished the baseboards in the Master bedroom, so no more family nursery. It was glorious to sleep in our own room after nearly a month away. So now, only 3/4 of our possessions are in the family room instead of 100%. Progress.

Charlotte continues to light up our everyday. She has started laughing, but makes you work really hard to hear it. She loves games that shake and scare her. Almost falling to the ground is possibly the funniest thing that has ever happened to her. Hopefully she will love roller coasters and skydiving too!

Those who follow this blog, know that Jeremy and I ventured out on our first date away from the babe last week. We had a spectacular time. Dinner a la Olive Garden thanks to some generous gift cards and Harry Potter at the $1 theater. Charlotte was a good girl for Michelle and I didn't spend the whole night worrying about her. She took 6 ounces from the bottle like she'd been doing it from day one! She a genius... We will for sure be making a habit of this!

Because it makes me so happy...

Helping mom get ready :)

Autnie Jay and Uncle Tay

Testing ability/willingness to take a bottle!

So proud of herself!

First time in 3-6 month clothing

4 Months

2011-02-23T08:05:00.001-08:00

I'm not exactly sure what I did with my life 4 months ago, but whatever it was, it was no where near as fun or fulfilling as this. I have spent the last 4 months changing, feeding, bathing, dressing, nurturing, loving, and playing with my daughter. This tiny person that brings so much joy to my life. Has it really been four months already? 1/3 of a year?

Charlotte is quite tickled with herself these days. Reaching for toys, putting things in her mouth, spending time in her Jenny Jump-Up. She really is a big girl now, didn't you hear? She will be happy to tell you all about it, she has now found her voice. She is beginning to discover loud and quiet, as well as different sounds and mouth shapes. Maybe we will have a chatterbox on our hands after all.

Apparently I decided that since the rest of my family is bald, I would be better off if I followed suit. No really, all my hair is falling out. "They" say hormones, but these hormones better get back in line ASAP before I look like my husband.

To celebrate Charlotte's 4 month birthday, Jeremy and I are going on our first date. Charlotte has never had a bottle and I have only been away from her for maybe 3 hours total in her entire life, so this is a BIG deal (mostly for me, I'm sure she won't care)! My very dear friend, and skilled NICU RN (paranoid?) has graciously offered to watch her. Who wouldn't feel comfortable leaving their baby with a nurse? Everything will be fine... (I think if I say it enough, by 5:00 tonight I might be ready to go.)

Here's an exciting turn of events: Charlotte has woken up the last 3 nights starving to death. Since about 7 weeks old, Charlotte has slept from 7:30-7:30 (give or take an hour) every night, no questions asked. The last three nights, she has woken up between 2-4, eaten for 10 minutes, then gone straight back to bed. Strange. Growth spurt? But I thought those were 3, 6, 9 months? Who knows. I think tonight I may try a "dream feed" and secretly feed her right before we go to bed; I'll let you know how it goes.

And how the date goes.

If we go.

Or I cry the whole time.

Ready for the snow, boots and all!

Loving her first time in the Jenny Jump-up

Birthday lunch with Great Grandma, Nan

Snow in our front yard!

Maybe not too amused...

So fun!

Happy Birthday, Nan!

Career Change

2011-02-15T10:01:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a momentous day: I submitted my resignation to Mercy Medical Center and officially became a full-time stay at home mom. This has been a long, emotional journey with an extremely happy ending.
My entire life I have wanted to be a NICU nurse. I worked hard in high school to earn good grades and get into a great nursing program. I worked hard in nursing school to get a great residency at UCLA's NICU. I worked hard at my new job to learn and advance my nursing skills. "Nurse" has always been my identity. Excelling at my job was how I measured my worth and value as a person. When Charlotte was born, my world turned upside down. This teenie tiny person made me question everything I believed to be true about myself. From the first moment they placed her in my arms I knew my identity had changed. Nothing in this world could be more important than this precious little life. In the same way I felt called to be a nurse, I felt immensely more called to be a mom. As I searched my soul, sought wise counsel, read God's Word and spent many hours in prayer, it became very clear that the most important job I will ever have is this raising my children.
But would I still be an intelligent, valuable person if I was "just" a stay at home mom? What will everyone think of me when I tell them what I do? Will people think I'm lazy? Stupid? Am I wasting my education?
The answer to all these questions is so clear and yet my soul struggled to accept the importance and value of raising my children. I was seeking the approval of this world and not following the clear calling of God. Thankfully, I have the most incredible husband, family and church community that helped me to see the truth.
There will not be a minute that passes by that I regret being with my children. I will never look back and think, "I wish we had more money, I wish we could have bought a boat, I wish I had nicer jeans."
I could not feel more blessed to have this opportunity. I know I am beyond lucky to have it. Not every mother is able to have this chance; but since I do, I would be crazy to pass it up.
As a side note, I still do love being a NICU nurse and I loved my job at Mercy very much. I tried to pursue a supplemental (extremely part time) position at the hospital to no avail. When something becomes available, I would like to work a few days a month.
This is a season in life. There will always be babies at work to care for, but my babies are only here for a short time. God has called me to love them and show them His love and I take that very seriously. I am so excited about my new "job." I will be proud in the work I do, I will do it well, and I will be forever thankful that I have the most important job in the world!

What a Week...

2011-02-13T14:54:00.000-08:00

After being gone 10 days, Jeremy and I were happy to start off the week in our own home. However, that joy was quickly squelched by a horrible stomach flu that hit hard Monday night. What we both originally believed to be food poisoning, turned out to be the most brutal and contagious stomach bug either of us has ever experienced: about 36 hours of sheer misery (mind you we only have one functioning bathroom at the moment). Nearly our entire circle of friends fell prey to this nasty thing. By God's grace, Charlotte was spared!

Another saga of the week surrounded the purchasing of a sectional from Costco. We had decided last Thursday to buy a new sectional from Costco. They would not let us purchase it and come back to pick it up; nor would they place one on hold for us. On Thursday, they had 6 of them left. The manager told us they were selling about 1 per week. On Saturday morning, Jeremy arranged to borrow his boss's truck so we could go make our big purchase. We walked into Costco just in time to watch them pack up the floor model. They had sold 4 on Friday and 2 Saturday morning before we got there (at 10:30!). I spent the entire week calling Costco, getting a different story with each new employee I spoke to. "Yes, we will be getting more tomorrow." "No, they are all sold out." "They are on backorder, but will be in later in the week." After a week of run around, we finally decided to borrow a trailer and go get it from Chico. On Friday evening, Jeremy got off work, we hurried down to Cottonwood, hooked up the trailer and headed to Chico. We made it there by 8:00, thirty minutes to spare. Before we left I had called to make sure they still had them in stock; they had 4. When we located the sectional on the floor, my heart sunk as we stared at the empty palate behind the display. This can't be happening... We drove all the way down here and they sold 4 in 3 hours? I located a manager, and with tears welling up in my eyes, explained our plight. I was greatly relieved when he told me they did indeed have one left! So, the sectional drama came to a happy ending! We didn't make it home until midnight, but it was all worth it!

This week has also been an exciting one for Charlotte: she discovered opposable thumbs! She is now intentionally reaching for toys, grabbing them, and bringing them to her mouth! It was amazing how quickly she figured this out! Though still needing much practice, her toy grabbing skills are advancing quite quickly. With this new discovery, she decided that she would much rather have her arms available to her during naps. For this swaddle-happy mama, that was a tough one for me to handle! However, she is now learning how to find her hands during nap and sooth herself back to sleep when she wakes up. She is still as sweet as can be and smiles every waking second of her day.

The final bit of exciting news from this household is: we have baseboards! Jeremy, along with the assistance of his cousin and uncle, installed baseboards throughout the entire house! They look incredible; and they aren't even painted yet! We are one step closer to getting all the furniture moved back! I so appreciate my husband and his hard work! He has given Charlotte and I such a beautiful, comfortable home.

Look what I can do!

Bath Bunny

Love my Daddy!

New baseboards!

Getting closer!

Sleeping unswaddled!

Home, Sweet Home

2011-02-07T15:50:00.000-08:00

After 10 long days away from home, Jeremy, Charlotte, Abbey and I have moved back! For those that didn't hear, Jeremy and I were fortuitous enough to get to have our hardwood floors refinished. This was one of the projects that I had most wanted to do since we purchased the home, so needless to say I was ecstatic when we finally had the time and finances to do it. The only problem was we had to relocate everything we own into our family room (the only room with carpet in the house) and we had to be away from the home until it was finished. A huge thank you to Dave and Debb for allowing us to take over their spare room (and bathroom, and laundry room, and living room, and....). The floors are absolutely beautiful; brand new! The house; however, is a disaster! Everything is covered in dust, and all our furniture is still in the family room, where it will stay until Jeremy installs the baseboards. And the whole family is living in the nursery. But, that is just fine with me because we are getting so close to finishing this, now almost 3 year long, remodel! I am so thankful to have this beautiful home to call our own. We have had such a wonderful time working on this house, learned so much about home ownership, and really gotten to enjoy the fruits of our labor. Jeremy has become the most incredible handy-man. He enjoys the work so much that he considers flipping homes in the future as a hobby. And he is so talented! Our home is as beautiful as it is because of his perfectionism and hard work. There really is no place like home.
In Charlotte news, my little sweet girl continues to delight me every day. She is all smiles, all the time. She did so well during our time away, a very easy going baby. But, I do think she was relived to be home as well; she missed her mobile! She is growing steadily, just about ready to move up to 3-6 month clothing. Most of the 0-3 still fit, but starting to get a little tight. Definitely by 4 months. She sleeps every night from about 7:30 pm to 7:30 am, give or take 1/2 hour. During the day she eats every 3 hours and sleeps about an 1 1/2-2 hours in between. We walk every morning and she is finally able to stay awake for the majority of the walk. I talk to her the whole time about the trees and the birds and the wind. We sing songs and rejoice in God's creation. What a beautiful planet we live on. Not to mention the glorious weather! She is finally starting to figure out she has arms and can move them at will. She is batting a little bit at toys (not reaching or grabbing; more like swinging at them). She has no interest in rolling over, but I do try and do a little tummy time with her each day. Being the huge Packers fan that she is, she thoroughly enjoyed her first Super Bowl. She loves to stand up and look around and will freely give huge smiles to anyone willing to look at her. My errands take much longer now because I have to stop and let her smile at every person who takes notice of her. A good reason to slow down, indeed.

Helping Mommy with the laundry

Ya! Washing my 3-6 month clothes!

Who needs a paci when you have fingers?

Our walking gang!

Floors stripped down

Guest bathroom under construction

Everything needed to move out for 10 days

Our life confined to one room

The floors, after

After

Master bedroom after

Our family sleep room

3 Months

2011-01-24T09:48:00.000-08:00

3 months. My teenie tiny baby girl is 3 months old! It's safe to say we are officially out of the newborn stage. My little lump now smiles, talks, puts things in her mouth, is awake longer than 20 minutes at a time, and sleeps all night. She holds her head up and looks around. She recognizes familiar faces. She turns her head when you call her name. To celebrate her 3 month birthday, she laughed at me for the first time. (Swoon). She is trying to decide if she prefers to suck her thumb or her first two fingers, the first of many difficult life decisions. Her tongue is always out! She has the most active tongue of anyone I have ever met. It is acrobatic! Much to her dad's dismay, she is quite pukey. She never complains about it, just spits up frequently. Jer can't handle it. Think of Vince Vaughn in 4 Christmases. And all I can do is laugh hysterically. We are quite a scene: Charlotte covered in spit up, Jer doing the best he can not to join her in the puke-party, and me unable to help because I can't contain my laughter. Parenthood is certainly not glamorous. But it sure is joy-filled. I absolutely can't get enough of this sweet girl.

I have always thought of myself as a newborn kinda gal, but this little girly is showing me the joys and wonders of every stage. Not to say I am no longer a lover of newborns, because I am certainly am; I have just come to learn that I am also a lover of 3 month olds (and probably 4 month olds, and 8 month olds, and 1 year olds).

These have been by far the greatest 3 months of my life. And it is just the beginning. What a blessing and honor it is to be a parent. It is a job I take very seriously; the most important job I will ever have. The least paying and most rewarding.

For those of you who have been following this blog since 2008 BC (Before Charlotte) you know that we are in the midst of a massive remodel. We have made incredible progress on our 60 year old home: new kitchen, new windows, new paint, new bathroom, etc. We are excited to tackle our next big project: new floors! We are having the hardwood floors refinished this week and I am giddy about it. The small bummer is that we have to move out for at least a week. With a rambunctious puppy and 3 month old baby, we aren't the most convenient house guests. However, Jeremy's parents have graciously invited us to invade their home while we are temporarily displaced. I will be sure to post before and after pictures next week.

I must confess, I didn't take a lot of pictures this week. I did snap a few this morning. 3 months and 1 day.

Monday Update

2011-01-18T09:11:00.000-08:00

This past week has been a fun one. Charlotte is starting to have more and more wake time and during that wake time, she is all smiles! You just look at this little girl and her whole face lights up with joy. She found her teenie tiny voice and is starting to coo a little bit. She also found her hands and is excited to add them to the list of things that goes in her mouth (Currently limited to mom and paci). Inspired by her cousin's (2 days younger) ability to roll over, I decided I should probably start putting her on the ground every once in a while for tummy time. So far, so good. At first she just face planted, but now she can hold her head up a little bit and look around. There will be no rolling any time soon, but it is a start :) Frankly, I would be happy if she stayed immobile for a year! We took her to the snow for a friend's birthday party. She looked adorable in her snow suit. She mostly slept through the event, but I'm sure she enjoyed herself :) Charlotte is an absolute joy and I love every second I get to spend with her. I have yet to part with her, but Jeremy and I are entertaining the idea of a possible date night next weekend. We'll see.

Love this girl

In the snow with Dad

In the snow with Mom

Playing with her friend Charlie

My 2 favs

The same picture we took the day before Charlotte was born

Pure Joy

Let's Get It Started!

2011-01-06T09:54:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year everyone! I have never been more excited about an upcoming year than I am about this one. 2011 is the year I have waited for my entire life. The year I get to watch my baby girl learn to sit, crawl, babble, walk, laugh and grow. I didn't make any resolutions this year, I am too content with life to try and think of something I need to change. We do have a goal of completing a triathlon in May, so let's call that our resolution.

I hope everyone had a fantastic Christmas. We had a wonderful day and I think Charlotte enjoyed her first experience with Santa. We spent most of the day bouncing from house to house, visiting all the family. It was a blessed time, and we feel so thankful to live so close to them. Charlotte received a lot of nice gifts from the family: a hand made sweater, a mobile, toys, adorable clothes, books and the start of a college fund! We feel very blessed! I even got her a little toy and wrapped it, she was very underwhelmed.

Jeremy was fortunate enough to have some time off work to spend with us. It was so great to have him home and I know Charlotte loved the extra time with him. We took her to sit on Santa's lap, did lots of Christmas shopping, he demolished the guest bathroom. It was perfect timing because Charlotte is really starting to interact more, so it was great that they got that special time together. I even got to do some shopping all on my own!

Charlotte is becoming quite the little lady. She smiles all the time! She wakes up with a smile on her face, and goes to bed the same way. Everything is funny, especially when you stick your tongue out at her. She is really starting to talk, and I even think I heard a little giggle the other day. She loves to play in her jungle gym and bouncy seat. She has been sleeping through the night for over 3 weeks now. Hooray!

She had her 2 month vaccines last week and did very well. A lot better than Mom! I had to stay in the waiting room and let Jer take her back; I was a total wreck. It is so funny how I can form a career around causing pain to babies, but when it comes to my own, I turn into a total sis. I better toughen up or we might not make it!

Since I am writing this blog as a journal, a memory, I will include this information for posterity. I'm sure most people don't want to know, but in 20 years I will want to look back and remember. Charlotte has a rather slow metabolism. Like, every 8 days slow. But on that 8th day, watch out! I think this contributes to the massive amounts of gas this girly passes. Because of the frequency of her toots, she has been given the nickname Toot Toot. I'm hoping we aren't setting ourselves up for years of therapy. It's cute, for now :)

Today was her 2 month appointment (though she is closer to 10 weeks). She got a clean bill of health from her Dr. A little eczema on her face, but other than that, she's perfect! She weighs 11 lbs 3 oz and is 22 inches long. That is the 40th percentile in weight and the 12th percentile in height. She may not be the star basketball player after all. How tall do you need to be for professional golf?

I'm sure its hard to detect how much we love this little girl...But believe me, we do!

She has been such a joy and blessing to this family.

My first time in jeans

First time in a skirt

Hi Momma!

Laughing at Great Grandma, Nan

Sleeping on Christmas

Merry Christmas Abbey!

All dressed up for Christmas

Daddy and Daughter

I love my Auntie Justine

Snuggling with Daddy

Or do I love my Uncle Ryan more?

Excited to go meet Santa

Visitors, Shopping, Parades and Parties!

2010-12-14T08:22:00.000-08:00

Yes, I did fall a week behind, but these have been a very busy two weeks.

Charlotte is nearing her 8 week birthday and really becoming quite the little lady! She loves to look around, her favorite sites being Christmas lights (or any light for that matter), the chandelier above her changing table, or your face. She will stare deep into your eyes with a very serious look on her face, like she is studying you intently, then she will give you the biggest smile you have ever seen. It absolutely melts your heart. She enjoys her bath very much and is also quite content in her bouncy seat or play gym. She naps in between each feeding still and is starting to sleep until about 5 in the morning. These past few nights she has had a little trouble going to sleep, but with some comforting from daddy, she goes right down. She is really holding her head up well and will even stand on your lap to look around. I think we are about to hit the 10 pound mark, but we will know for sure at her next doctor's appointment.

The past two weeks have been filled with fun activities. Her Auntie Jenny (my college roommate) came to meet Charlotte and spend a few days with us. It was so wonderful to catch up and spend some time together. The weather was crummy so we spent most of our time chatting in front of the fire. We did venture out on Saturday night to attend the Christmas Parade. It was fun to meet up with friends and watch the parade. Charlotte was underwhelmed and slept the entire time. Jenny's visit went too quickly and Charlotte and I took her back down to Sacramento. Since we were driving all that way, we decided to do some shopping. This was my first big outing with Charlotte on my own. No surprise, she did amazingly well! Slept the whole way down, hung out in her Moby while we shopped, and slept the whole way back. It was a long day, but very fun!

This past weekend, Jeremy and I hosted our Home Group Christmas Party. It was a total blast! There was an ugly Christmas sweater contest, some other silly Christmas games, and a very intense gift exchange. We are so blessed to have such an incredibly fun community of friends. Charlotte slept through the whole party and made her appearance at the end of the night.

Snuggled in at the Christmas Parade

Nice and warm

Uncle Greg brought a special present from SF

Go Giants!

First shopping trip

Ready for the Christmas Party

The finalist for the ugly sweater contest

The men's division

Eric and his "prize"

Too much excitement for Abbey

Ugly sweaters

Everyday I wake up and stare at this little miracle with joy and love. I can't believe how much grace and love God shows us by blessing us with such a gift. We love her and are so lucky to have her in our family.

A Week of Firsts

2010-12-01T13:20:00.000-08:00

This past week was a very exciting one for Charlotte. It was filled with firsts! First Thanksgiving, first time up to McCloud, first snow, first time in 0-3 month clothing (and it actually fitting).

It is amazing to see her changing each day. Every morning after she eats, we sit and play in the chair. She is starting to smile and mimic some of my faces now, it is so incredibly precious. She continues to be an absolute angel baby. She is completely content with life. You can do no wrong by her.
Bouncy chair? Sure, that's fun.
Floor jungle gym? Love it!
Hold me and talk to me? Absolutely!
Wrap me up and take a nap? Anytime!
Sleep 4-6 hours at night? Of course!

She is so sweet and gentle. I have been told by Jeremy's family that she inherited his temperament. From what I've been told, she sure didn't get mine! I continue to fall more and more in love with her every day.

Charlotte's First Thanksgiving:
In the morning we spent some time working around the house. Jeremy has been making great progress on the family room, putting up all the trim work. We are so close to finishing that room! At 2:00 we headed over to Jeremy's Aunt and Uncle's house for a big family Thanksgiving meal. Charlotte had her Thanksgiving dress on and looked adorable! She was wide awake and spent the afternoon talking to all the family. She got to meet her great grandparents for the first time which was very exciting. By the time we were ready for dinner, she was ready for a nap. She very sweetly slept in a basket next to me while I enjoyed an incredible feast with the family. After dinner we headed over to my parent's house for some dessert. All the family was still there and we enjoyed spending some time with them. Charlotte was pretty worn out at this point and mostly slept.
We got home and put her to bed.
Her first holiday ever. Our first holiday as a family. What a blessed day. We have more to be thankful for than ever before. More than we could ever name.

My Thanksgiving Dress

Meeting Great Grandma

Tired after a long, exciting day

Charlotte's First Snow:
Saturday after Thanksgiving we loaded up the car and headed to McCloud to spend the day in the snow. It was snowing 8 miles north of Redding, and continued to snow the whole drive. Charlotte slept the entire car ride. I, however, was a nervous wreck. Jeremy is a fantastic driver, the Highlander has great tires and 4 wheel drive. There was no reason for me to be so nervous; but maybe having my baby girl in the backseat, or postpartum hormones, or a combination of both, put me over the edge. Luckily, I have an extremely patient husband who drove like a snail and stayed a mile away from any other vehicle just to placate his irrational wife. We made it safely to the snow and spent the day enjoying the fire and the beauty of the winter wonderland. We of course had to be obnoxious parents and put Charlotte in her snow suit and take a million pictures of her. Why else do you take a newborn to the snow? It was a wonderful first trip, with many many more to come. We know that Charlotte (and her siblings) will love spending weekends up there. Snowboarding, hiking, fishing, swimming. The fun is endless and we are so thankful that she will have that as a second home.

And a few more pictures from the week, just because she is so cute!

An exciting and monumental week for our precious little girl. Hard to believe she is almost 1 1/2 months already. I am savoring every second with this little miracle.

One Month

2010-11-24T08:25:00.000-08:00

Happy one month birthday to my precious baby girl.

What an exciting month it has been. Charlotte has made brought us so much joy over the past four weeks, it is hard to think about our lives before we were blessed with her.

Here is the one month update:
Newborn clothes are finally starting to get a little small, maybe thinking about venturing into 0-3 month land
Long wake periods after feedings
Given 2 big smiles (while awake) One to Dad and one to Mom
Making great eye contact and starting to track a little bit
Madly in love with lights, could stare at them all day
Sleeping 5-6 hours at night and eating every 3 during the day (per mom's direction)
Put yourself to sleep for naps and bedtime
Starting napping in your own crib, still sleeping in mom and dad's room at night
Had your first trip to Costco and was very underwhelmed by it
Watched your first Ultimate Frisbee game and cheered Daddy on
Been to Church 4 times, especially love the music
Had your first family Poker night

It's amazing to me that I could love this little person so much it hurts, and every day it seems to get stronger and stronger. You don't think you could love them anymore, and then the next morning you look at her sweet little face and your love grows even deeper.

3 Weeks

2010-11-16T21:09:00.000-08:00

I cannot believe we have had this little miracle in our family for 3 weeks now. We are so in love with her. Here is an update on her progress:

7 pounds 6 oz (almost gained 1 pound in two weeks)
20 inches long
A little jaundiced still, but all labs are normal, so nothing to worry about
Starting to have more awake time
Recognizing voices and turning head to find them (especially daddy)
Sleeping up to 5 hours at night
Been to church 3 times and thoroughly enjoys it
Loves our morning walks
Still swimming in her newborn clothes
Loving our cloth diapers (Finally! Took a little laundry tweaking to get them working properly)
Not a huge fan of the carseat
Loves to sit in her bouncey chair under the bathroom heater naked

I think that's about it for our updates, she is really the best baby I could have asked for! She is so laid back, really doesn't cry, puts herself to sleep, everything a momma could want!

We left her for one hour last night at my parents so we could go to the gym. It was the first time I had ever been away from her. I cried the whole way to the gym. :) She was of course a very good girl and my parents said they loved watching her.

She got to meet her Uncle Miller as he was passing through Redding on Saturday. They hit it off well :)

We don't go back for another weight check for 6 more weeks, so we will gauge her growth on how well her clothes fit :)

Here are some pictures of the past week... ENJOY!

2 Weeks

2010-11-08T12:08:00.000-08:00

Dear Charlotte Grace,

It was 2 weeks ago today that we walked through the doors of our home and started our new life with you. Every second has been a treasure and a blessing. You are the most beautiful, wonderful, sweet baby in the world and I fall so deeply in love with you every day.

These have been a busy 2 weeks, full of visitors anxious to hold and love you. We aren't quite into our "normal" yet, but we are getting there. It has been so wonderful to have so many people want to shower you with love and affection. You soak up every minute and absolutely love to be held.

You are such a content baby. You eat great, sleep hard, and hardly ever cry. I couldn't be more blessed! You are starting to wake up a little more each day. I love to hold you and talk to you during these times, I feel like we are getting to know each other. You look so intently into my eyes and it absolutely melts my heart. I don't think I would ever put you down if I had my druthers.

Your dad and I love having you in our family. Whenever he is home, he takes over your care. He loves to change your diaper and snuggle with you. You love to sit and listen to him play music or snuggle up under his chin. He kissed you last night and you gave him the biggest smile we have seen yet. I think he almost cried :)

We thank God for entrusting us with your precious life. We pray daily for you and we promise to do our best to show you the love of Christ. We are so blessed to have you here and we will cherish every minute with you. You are such a miracle.

Charlotte's Birth

2010-11-05T09:50:00.000-07:00

In my last post I said my next entry would be Charlotte's Birth Story. I was right about that. What I wasn't expecting was the type of story I would be writing. My pregnancy had been completely normal, in fact, easier than normal. I felt great the entire way through; never had a single problem. We were expecting a beautiful, natural, easy delivery to go along with the easy pregnancy; we got the exact opposite! Now, over a week later, I am ready to write the story, get it out of my system, and move forward. With my beautiful, perfectly healthy baby sleeping in my arms, I am able to look back on that day with positive memories and see God's hand of protection through the entire thing.
As most of you read in the previous post, I had been dilated to 4 cm since 36 weeks. My OB kept telling me that she should come any day. Each day that went by and Charlotte was still inside me I became more anxious. I described myself as a ticking hand grenade waiting to explode. I felt on edge at all times. On Friday, the 22nd, I went into the hospital to film a little video as a favor to my boss. While I was there, I was hooked up to a monitor and checked. I was 5 cm, but not really contracting. I went home and proceeded to contract that entire night, but they never escalated to the point where I felt it was actual labor. By the morning they had fizzled out. That day, Saturday the 23rd, Jeremy had to work because he had a big deadline he needed to meet. It was pouring rain so I decided to go walk around Target. I walked for over an hour hoping the contractions would come back, but no luck. When I got home, it had stopped raining, so I took Abbey out for a walk in the neighborhood. When I got home, the contractions came back, but still not painful at all. At this point, it was about 5:45 and Jeremy had just gotten home. I told him I was contracting a little bit, but didn't think it was really labor. About 20 minutes later, I went to the bathroom, and my water broke. Still not in any pain, we packed up our stuff and headed to the hospital. So far, everything felt very surreal, but very normal. It was all going exactly how it was supposed to go. We got to the hospital, I got out of the car and felt a big gush. As I continued to walk the toward the labor unit, I continued to feel gushes of fluid. Thinking it was not right, when we got in the elevator, I checked to make sure it was clear fluid, but it wasn't; it was blood. And lots of it. Overwhelmed with fear, we hurried into the labor room and my incredible nurse Ali got me hooked up to the monitor immediately. The first sound I heard was Charlotte's little heart beating fast and strong. This provided a tinge of relief, but I still knew something was wrong. At this point the contractions had picked up incredibly. With each contraction, I would pass a large clot or gush of blood. I was so scared and anxious, I was unable to concentrate on breathing or pain control. I just knew something was horribly wrong. The contractions started piling on top of each other, with hardly 60 seconds in between. It was change of shift, Ali headed home, and my dear friend and incredible nurse Tracy took over. The thought crossed my mind that I would need an emergency C-Section so I decided that an epidural would be a good idea.That way, I wouldn't need general anesthesia. I also thought it might help my anxiety to be able to focus on something other than the pain. Because of the bleeding, I was convinced that the pain was abnormal and therefor was not able to mentally work through it like I wanted to. Tracy got the anesthesiologist and he put the epidural in, which provided some welcome relief. As soon as the epidural was in, I was complete. In less than an hour I had dilated from 5 to complete and was ready to push. It was all so fast, a complete blur. Once complete, the bleeding had stopped, my family was all there, and we were waiting on the OB to arrive so I could start pushing. Those 30 minutes were the best 30 minutes of the entire experience. When the OB arrived, I began pushing, and in less than 20 minutes, Miss Charlotte made her entrance into the world. The entire event lasted less than two hours. It was the most out of body experience. She was put up on my tummy and Jeremy and I looked at her in total shock and disbelief. I held her for about 3 minutes and then she was taken by another incredible friend, Michelle, over to the warmer to be dried off and assessed. I had a tear that the OB was repairing, but I also continued to hemorrhage. I was holding Charlotte again when he called for some tools I had never heard of. Again, I knew something was wrong. I passed the baby off to my mom and within a minute or two was being whisked back to the OR. Again, everything is very blurry, but I remember being told I was going under general anesthesia and being so incredibly scarred. The next thing I know, I am in the recovery room with all my family, and incredible nurses surrounding me. I only remember tiny bits of being in there as I woke up from the general. Apparently, I was quite comical. I was talking a mile a minute asking 10,000 million questions. After I was in my right mind, I was told what had happened. When my water broke, Charlotte's head dropped and caused 2 cervical lacerations, which started the bleeding. The cervix is extremely vascular and bleeds at an incredible rate. When I was completely dilated, her head blocked off the bleeding, but after she was born, there was nothing stopping it. I had lost so much blood at the point, when I delivered the baby, my uterus was unable to clamp down as it should have and my body went into DIC. In the OR, my OB repaired the lacerations, but I continued to bleed due to the DIC. He asked the nurse to open the hysterectomy tray and call for a second surgeon to come assist with my hysterectomy. They started pouring blood and platelets into me, and by God's incredible grace, by the time the second surgeon arrived, the bleeding was under control and I did not have to have my uterus removed. After over an hour in the OR, I was still alive and I was still able to have more children. What an incredible miracle. Praise God.
I got back to my room at about 2 AM and was completely shell shocked. I continued to flash back on the events of the night, the emotions were overwhelming. I looked at my beautiful baby and thought about how close I was to never knowing her. There was no way I would be closing my eyes that night. My incredible nurse Tracy sensed my state of mind and offered to sit with my for a while. This was the most therapeutic thing she could have done and it meant the world to me. While Jeremy tried to close his eyes for a few hours, Tracy and I whispered about the events of the night. It was so healing for me to be able to sit and decompress with her.
Sunday morning our first visitor arrived at about 8:30 and the stream of visitors continued until after 7 that night. We felt so loved and blessed by our incredible community. Physically, I felt horrible, like I had been hit by a train, but emotionally, I was feeling so blessed. Over the following week, my recovery was incredibly fast. Physically, I felt better and better each day. Emotionally, I had lapses of anxiety and sadness, but overall focused on how lucky I was to be here and be able to raise my sweet baby girl.
There are some things I learned through this experience that I want to make sure get said publicly. First, I work with the most incredible group of women on the planet. Not only are the talented and knowledgeable, they are compassionate and loving. That Saturday night, Charlotte and I had every nurse in tears. We felt so loved and supported by them. On Sunday, so many nurses came in to check on us. We received the best care I could have ever asked for. Even my manager came to help and support us. The labor, post partum and NICU nurses at Mercy are angels and I couldn't feel more blessed to be a part of that extended family. A huge extra special thank you to Tracy and Ali for being there for us during the most scary/happy day of our lives. And to my dear friend Michelle who took care of Charlotte for her first 4 hours of life. I wouldn't have wanted anyone else to be there for her. It was so comforting knowing she was in skilled and loving hands while I was unable to care for her.
Second, Dr. Skipitis saved my life and my ability to have more children. I don't know how you could ever thank someone for that, but I will be forever grateful.
Third, our cousin Justine Wildauer was at the birth to take pictures, and the images she captured are absolutely priceless. Now, instead of bad memories, we have beautiful pictures to remember that day by. Those images help me to remember the good parts of the experience. With the entire event being so blurry, those images will forever help remind me of the miracles that happened that day. Justine, you are incredibly talented. We love you and feel so blessed to have you as family.
Finally, Jeremy and I moved back to Redding to be around friends and family, and I couldn't imagine living anywhere else. We have been showered with love and support. Charlotte had an entire waiting room full of friends and family waiting to meet her. Our meals have been provided, gifts and cards are showing up every day, phone calls and emails are never ending. I sometimes can't help but cry tears of joy and thankfulness when I think about the community in which we live. We are so fortunate and love all of you so much! I don't know what we would do without you.
So, overall, not the birth story I would ever want to tell, but in the end, I am healthy, I can have more children, and I have the most beautiful, precious, little angel that I get to love and raise for the rest of my life.
This took me all week to write. I am sure I left out important details, but this is the best I could do. I am excited to have this experience behind me and focus on the most important thing in the world, my new baby girl.

Feeding my Freezer and Hand Grenades

2010-10-15T10:43:00.000-07:00

This could possibly be the last post before Sweet P makes her grand entrance, so I will make it thorough.
Getting ready for this baby has been everything I had hoped for, and more! As most of you know, I have been waiting for this time of my life since I was 2 years old. I have spent hours wandering aimlessly through baby stores with no real purpose or direction. Working with babies and spending all my free time with friend's babies, trying to assuage my overwhelming desire to have one of my own, when the time was right. I have daydreamed about nesting and decorating a nursery; anxiously (and patiently) awaiting the day when it would be necessary for me to purchase, plan, and prepare for the birth of a new baby. When that day finally came, I was in disbelief. I couldn't believe I was lucky enough to get to walk into Target and go to the baby section, for a reason! This has been the most fun and exciting time of my life, and the little P isn't even here yet!
Here are all the things we have done to prepare for this miracle. Though not quite finished, I can comfortably say, "we are ready!"
Nursery
The nursery has been the most dramatic and exciting part of our preparation. The room had been designated the nursery from the day we bough the house. Since no baby was on the way at that time, it was put on the bottom of the list for remodeling. It just sat there, half hard wood floor, half plywood, no window casing, no doors, no furniture. It was a sad site. We put up a curtain and forgot it was even there. After Miss P was viable (yes, I am a NICU nurse) my amazing husband got right to work. He never ceases to amaze me. Here is a list of all the things he has done to make my dream nursery a reality: First, he painted the room, then he installed a gorgeous wainscot (which he built from scratch), installed a ceiling fan (where there was no light or electricity before), painted installed a bedroom door, built and painted closet doors, installed a closet system, cased the windows. A list of tasks accomplished could never adequately describe the amount of work and time he has put into that room. My favorite thing to do each night is sit in the rocking chair and take it all in; every little detail of the nursery, the blankets, toys and clothes that have been generously given to us, the fruits of our labor. My heart is overcome with joy and thankfulness. Thankful for a loving, patient, hard working, talented husband who was able to give me the nursery I always dreamed of, thankful to a loving God who showers us with blessings beyond our comprehension, thankful to my community and family for being a part of our life.
Though I did not participate in building the wainscot, I have been working hard to decorate the nursery also. I have accessorized and decorated every little shelf and wall, paying careful attention to detail. With the "help" (I use those quotes appropriately, because the word help does not even come close to describing what these ladies did for me) of an incredible quilter/seamstress/woman from my church, and a dear friend, I was able to make all her bedding from scratch. We also made basket liners, changing pad covers and burp cloths. It turned out so beautifully. It has been so much fun to watch everything come together. I can't wait to sit in that chair and hold her, I might not ever leave.
Another fun project I have taken on, at the suggestion of great friend and teacher, is "Feeding my Freezer." This entails cooking large quantities of favorite meals and filling up the freezer for the post partum period. It has been a lot of work, but such a blast! I have made over 12 batches of soups, 12 batches of sauces, 5 meatloaves, and still have a long list of meals to prepare! It is such a nice feeling knowing that we will have healthy, delicious meals all ready to go, no prep time needed!
In addition to the big projects, I have really enjoyed the little things. Washing my first load of baby clothes was such an excitement! (I know, just wait) But for now, washing, folding, organizing all her adorable clothes has been such a blast. Putting together the furniture, installing the carseat, packing the bags, it has all been such a joy.
Though I still have a list of things to do, I truly do feel ready for her!
And speaking of ready for her....
Last week I had my 36 week appointment, the first appointment that involves a cervical exam. I have had the easiest pregnancy thus far and was completely expecting him to tell me how happy my little girlie was inside me, way high with a thick closed cervix. Mentally, I was prepared to go 2 weeks past my due date. Man, was I wrong! After he completed his exam, he shocked me by telling me I was dilated 4 cm, 80% effaced, and her head was at a -1 station (extremely low!). Wow! I scheduled my appointment for the following week and left the office in shock. Nothing too exciting happened over the week (a few goory details that I will pass by) but no major contractions. I went in the following week for my 37 week appointment and he said this to me following the exam, "Let's go ahead and schedule your appointment for next week, just for the fun of it, but I am on call all weekend and will be very surprised if I don't see you." YIKES!
This was Wednesday, and here we are at Friday with nothing changed. It is the most strange feeling, thinking a baby might come out of you at any minute. I told Jeremy that I feel like a hand grenade and someone pulled the pin already. At 37 weeks, she is completely developed and ready for life on the outside, so in normal circumstances I would be thrilled to have her come early. However, as unfortunate luck would have it, both sets of parents are out of town this week. If she could hang on until Friday, she would make for some very happy grandparents! In that light, I have not been having any contractions, so you just never know! At this point, all we can do is hold our grenade and wait for it to explode!
I will now check "write final blog" off my list of things to do in preparation for baby. Should she decide to hang out in there a few more weeks, I will add one last addendum. How strange to think the next post will be her birth story.
Sweet P, we are so thrilled to meet you. We are praying you come out safely and healthy. If you would like to wait until next Friday, your grandparents will be very happy, but if you are too excited to join this family, we will welcome you with joy and thanksgiving. We love you unconditionally and can't wait to kiss your sweet cheeks. You are the biggest blessing we have ever received.

The Big Catch Up Pt. 4

2010-09-26T18:25:00.000-07:00

The remainder of the summer was packed with fun activities and trips, which of course made it fly by! After we got back from the cruise, we loaded up the car and headed over to the coast for a camping trip at Patrick's Point with our Home Group. It was a total blast! I had never been there, so it was really fun to finally get to experience it for myself. It was just as beautiful as everyone says it is. It was a little too cold for my liking, and we didn't pack nearly enough in the way of warmth, but other than that, we had a great time! It was so fun to get away for the weekend, enjoy time in God's beautiful creation, and make wonderful memories with my favorite group of friends! It was the first of many camping trips for our little Sweet P.
After that, we got to enjoy Jeremy's birthday and fourth of July with our Aunt and Uncle from North Carolina. We also celebrated our Uncle Jim's retirement. It was a fun weekend that included parties and a day out on the lake. It is always such a treat to get to spend time with family, especially family we don't get to see enough! I, unfortunately didn't get to enjoy the lake to its fullest because I had clumsily dropped a hot iron on my leg and had a major open burn. Thought dirty lake water might not be the best idea...
Jeremy and I both got our gender specific trip. Mine was a shopping trip to Sacramento with my dear friend Christa. We had a blast shopping for baby items and maternity clothes. So fun to spend some time with a great friend. Jeremy got his "Man Trip" in, which is an annual backpacking trip, which as the name suggests, is only open to those of the male gender (except Abbey, she's allowed to go).
This brings us up to the middle of August, 29 weeks pregnant, and on the road again; this time to Pismo Beach for a family reunion and my oldest brother's wedding. This trip had been planned last summer as a way to get everyone back together (it had been way too long). Pismo is a special place for my family, as we spent a week there every summer for 10+ years. After the trip was planned, we were overjoyed with the news that Paul and Danielle were expecting their first little blessing and planning a wedding. Since the trip was already arranged, it worked out perfectly to hold the wedding on the beach. Couldn't have worked out better! It was absolutely wonderful to spend the weekend with the entire family, celebrate their union and the new baby, and enjoy the beautiful (but freezing) ocean. We are so thrilled our little P will have 2 cousins so close in age! What a blessing!
We finished up the summer with a Dave Matthews Concert; Miss P's first concert! It was incredible. We went with our great friends Greg and Michelle. The weather was perfect, the music was amazing and the company was the best! Jeremy and I hadn't been to see him in a few years so it was great to squeeze that in before she gets here. Brought back many memories of our dating years.
Looking back through the summer calendar, I feel so blessed to have had such an exciting and busy few months. We are so fortunate to have these opportunities. These are memories we will never forgot and I am so incredibly thankful for them. I am so thankful for my amazing, adventurous husband, my incredible group of friends, and the beautiful surroundings in which we live. We are not the type of people to slow down just because a baby shows up, but I would say we did a pretty great job of jam packing our summer full of memories before her arrival. A spectacular last summer as "DINKS."
In addition to all the travel and activities, I spent a lot of time at work, which of course isn't as much fun, but sure does make the weeks go by! Working through the pregnancy was not nearly as bad as I thought it might be. I was blessed with an easy pregnancy! I really felt great all the way up until the end. I wasn't more tired, I didn't have any sickness, I almost couldn't tell a difference from before I was pregnant. However, I now have less than 2 weeks to go and it couldn't come fast enough! I am so anxious to start officially "nesting" but I don't feel like I can do that until I am finished with work. Also, my legs are swelling, my back is sore, the whole nine yards. Overall, I have absolutely nothing to complain about, these last 4 shifts will fly by and in a blink of an eye, our little blessing will be here!
I am still in complete disbelief at how close her arrival actually is. When I got pregnant, it felt as though she would never come. Now it feels like only yesterday I found out I was expecting; she will be here in 5 short weeks! As cliche as it sounds, it is so true! These past 9 months have just gone so quickly. I have loved every second of my pregnancy and will cherish these last few weeks that I get her all to myself. Every kick, wiggle, hiccup, is a miracle and a blessing. I am excited to meet her and share her, but for now I am happy having her all to myself.
This concludes our 4 part series of catching up, it is now up to me to stay up to date!
(Sorry for the lack of pictures in this post, I need to gather them from the various designated photographers. )

The Big Catch Up Pt. 3-The Big Reveal

2010-09-14T18:55:00.000-07:00

Usually, the end of a vacation is a sad thing. No one wants to go home and end a wonderful relaxing trip. Back to the realities of work and household chores. I, however, was thrilled to head home because there was a very exciting appointment on the calendar, an Ultrasound! A very dear friend of mine is a vascular sonographer who enjoys taking the occasional peek at babies :) When we got home from vacation, I had arranged to go see her and have her tell me the sex of our little P. I knew long before I got pregnant that I wanted to know the sex of my baby. Being a true planner at heart, I knew I would enjoy the pregnancy so much more being able to shop and prepare for this little baby. After all, shopping for a new baby is something I had waited my whole life to do, I was going to do it right! Also, I'm not a huge fan of yellow and green :).
I was dying to know, but I didn't want to just find out sitting in the dark room, I wanted it to be more exciting than that. By finding out ahead of time, you miss out on that thrilling moment in the delivery room. It was a sacrifice I was happy to make and thought I could create a moment just as exciting, only 20 weeks earlier. Additionally, this moment could be shared with some dear friends and family. I am a true extrovert at heart and love to involve my friends and family in the exciting times of my life, pregnancy being top on the list! So, I came up with a plan. I would have my friend secretly figure out the sex of the baby and then write in on a piece of paper and seal it in an envelope so that I could not see. I would then take the envelope to a bakery (the same bakery where we got our wedding cake) and have her bake a cake: pink for girl, blue for boy. She would then cover the cake with thick white frosting so the inside was hidden. We would invite some friends and family over for a BBQ and cut open the cake, revealing to everyone the sex of our little P! Brilliant :)
Everything went exactly as planned. My friend was able to tell (98%) the sex of the baby. She even had a more experienced coworker confirm her discovery. The bakery was able to make the most adorable cake, and all our friends and family were excited to be a part of our fun day. We even had dear friends watching on Facebook and Skype to hear the big announcement!
I truly have the most patient husband on the planet who willing went along with my crazy scheme, and even humored me when I asked him to vacuum the carpet for the third time that day. This was not his idea, but he embraced it for me and shared in my joy.
The house was spotless, the food was all ready, and the people were starting to arrive. As I stared at the cake, I really couldn't believe this day was here; this day I had been daydreaming about for years (yes, I did think up this plan years ago. Remember, I am a planner!)

Everyone scarfed down their food and gathered around the cake. Those who thought the baby was a boy stood to one side, and those who were banking on a girl stood to the other. Jeremy made a quick "speech" expressing our gratitude and appreciation for all the incredible people standing around that table. I was overcome with joy by the love and support of our family. With much anticipation, we picked up the knife and cut through the cake. The first slice didn't reveal much (though Jeremy says he saw a few crumbs). It took a second slice to get a clear picture of the inside. As I picked up the piece of cake, I saw, clear as day, PINK! Everyone in the room cheered and hugged and laughed. It was absolutely perfect, I was overwhelmed. I hugged my husband, father of my DAUGHTER!

We sliced up the cake and passed out every last piece. Not only was the cake adorable and informative, it was delicious!
In the 20 weeks I had been pregnant, no day compared with that one. In all the time I had spent imaging it, planning it, nothing could have prepared me for how magical it actually would be. It is a day that will be engraved on my heart for the rest of my life. I was struggling to hold back the tears of joy as I looked around the room and saw the community in which we would be raising our daughter. A community full of loving, supportive, compassionate friends and family that love us and will love our daughter through whatever life brings our way. People to share in the high times like this one and who will be there in the low times that may yet come. People that support us and encourage us to grow. What an incredible God we serve who showers us with Grace and blessings. I can't wait to welcome this baby girl into our lives.

The Big Catch Up Pt. 2

2010-09-12T09:33:00.000-07:00

The first trimester came and went in a flash. It was a strange experience to have no pregnancy symptoms, not be showing at all, not feel a baby moving, and have no one know I was pregnant. It was as if the most significant event in my life occurred, but my world as I knew it was exactly the same. Except everything was completely different. I knew in my heart that everything was changing, even if no one else knew yet.
After the 12 week ultrasound, we were ecstatic and anxious to tell our friends and family our joyous news. Everyone was excited and supportive. We have the most incredible circle of friends and family and we could not be more thankful for them. Abbey even got to wear her shirt one more time, when we made the big announcement to our home group.
I continued to feel great into the second trimester. At 15 weeks we spent the weekend in Yosemite with 2 of our most dear friends Greg and Michelle. It was such an incredible weekend. Jeremy and I had never been to Yosemite and it was truly as breathtaking as the pictures make it seem. We hiked all around the valley, and even to the top of Nevada Falls, which turned out to be a pretty strenuous hike, but we made it! At 15 weeks pregnant, I could feel the effects of increased blood volume and additional altitude for sure! We can't wait to bring Sweet P there and show here the majesty and beauty of our God's creation.

2 weeks later, we packed up our bags and headed across the country to meet up with Jeremy's dad and brother and their respective wives for a family cruise through the Western Caribbean. What an incredible trip! We spent a week cruising to Jamaica (a real treat for us to get to revisit our honeymoon destination), Mexico, and a private island owned by Princess cruises. We ate incredible food (and way too much of it!) and thoroughly enjoyed the opportunity to spend some real quality time with family. Jeremy's brother and sister-in-law are also expecting their first baby, due two days before our little Sweet P! God's timing is so perfect! We are so excited that she will have a little cousin exactly her age, and how fun to get to raise our babies together! The highlight of my trip was the day spent in Cozumel, Mexico. Jeremy and I had heard from our good friends that renting scooters and riding around the island was a lot of fun, so we decided to give it a try. They were so right! The island has a frontage road that follows the coast all the way around. It is about 60 kilometers to complete the loop and along the way you get to see some of the most beautiful ocean views and beaches. The weather was perfect, the scooters were so much fun, and the scenery was breathtaking. We would ride for a while, stop and take a swim or get a drink, then keep on riding. We made it all the way around the island and returned our scooters with about 20 minutes to spare! The entire trip was so memorable and the time with family was priceless.

We feel very blessed to have had the chance to vacation with family one last time before our little blessing comes along. Now, we look forward to family friendly vacations!